We Will Worship

I remember every single second like it was yesterday. Casey and I sitting in a strange coffee shop with our best friend Michael, pretending to eat breakfast and starting blankly at each other.

We were not okay. Our daughter lay in a hospital bed across the street, passed out from pain from burning 22% of her body, going into shock facing a skin surgery later in that day. In a moment where she absentmindedly grabbed a cup of tea that was boiling hot and pouring it over her face and chest, our world had changed forever. Her skin peeled right off as we stood frozen. The ‘aunties’ in the room, who were there for a woman’s meeting, went right into action tearing off her clothes and putting her in the sink for water to run over her wounds. In another minute they were pushing us out the door insisting we go the hospital. Kieren was screaming at a pitch I had never heard before, and I knew she was in pain, but truly didn’t understand the severity of her wounds. As we drove to the nearest hospital the fear and dread slowly began to sink into my head and heart. It was critical. As we got to the hospital they began to get Kieren’s blood pressure and heart rate, as her screaming started to calm down, which I first thought was a good sign. Suddenly the doctor and nurse had a look of panic in their eyes and I knew I was deeply mistaken. She was going into shock because the blood vessels in her neck were constricted because of the burn in that area of her skin. The rushed her to the ICU area (of a community hospital that was very small and limited). She was stabalized and then we were moved to a Children’s hospital near the city of Cape Town. She screamed and struggled through the night and eventually passed out in the early hours of the morning. We were told she would need a surgery in the morning to help regrow her facial skin and that her burns would all need to be monitored. It was critical and the first 24 hours were the most important. She was very suspeptible to infection and we were in an entire children’s burn ward, filled with other children in pain. When you are burned it’s an excruciating pain because it’s hitting a nerve ending. And that was 22% of her body. We were in shock.

We sat in that coffee shop trying to catch our breath, trying to find out souls, trying to muster courage. Why? How? What will happen?

Michael asked us what were were going to do, and Casey’s response are words I will never forget. He said “we have no idea what will happen with Kieren now, but I know that whatever happens I will worship my God.” He meant it. I meant it. God was still on the throne even in the deepest heart pain we had ever known.

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She Laughs

Proverbs 31:25 says, “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”

In Hebrew it is “sachaq” and it’s also seen in Hebrews 18 where Sarah laughs at God. Some translations say ‘rejoice’ or ‘smiles’ at the future, but LAUGHS is my favorite interpretation.

Laughter is an important principle in our home and we value it highly. We joke with each other and create moments of laughter all the time. When our kids cry from something small I notice my husband will try to tickle them to get them to laugh instead. Laugher heals, helps us change course, allows us to look above and brings the lightness and joy life needs.

The challenging times of this past year have made me hold laughter even closer in my heart and values. Actually it’s the MOST important in dark times. But like joy, I think laughter is a choice. We have to choose to laugh and choose to find the hope when all seems lost. As a family we choose to find moment of laughter in what we watch, in our games together, in creating fun activities and in choosing to believe that tomorrow will bring us even more joy.

Are you waiting for joy or LOOKING for it? Are you waiting for laughter or CREATING it?

We can know, that by coming to God, He is full of hope and joy and promises GOOD things in our future. Do you believe it? Are you bringing it into reality in your midst?

Hebrews 4:16, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (NIV)

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Fighting Fair

Anyone noticed there is a lot of fighting around lately? 2020 will be marked by many strange and traumatic things, but the level of debate and tense discourse must be at an all time high. The elections in the United States have brought this to a fever pitch, and because I have the unique of experience of being an American but not living in America right now, I can see things and feel them differently as I am outside. My greatest challenge in this is to form my own opinions and convictions while hearing and receiving the thoughts of others. One thing I know for sure is that we can’t avoid the strife, it’s an inevitable part of life. What I do know is that we need to learn to fight fair, and nothing is more important in the Body of Christ right now. So how do we fight fair? Here are a few things I have learned over the years.

1. Hold your judgement

2. Listen WHOLEHEARTEDLY

3. Ask God for empathy

4. Find the STORIES in the opinions

5. Find true RESPECT in your differences

Even as I am sharing these thoughts, I am deeply challenged in my own prejudices that I hold and justify. We all do this, and probably most often just keep them to ourselves and stew in our own self righteousness. This can’t be the way forward in peace and unity, and moreover, if we are people of God, we are stirred to be ministers of reconciliation, not keepers of our own opinions.

Maybe the change starts with us. Maybe it starts with me. Maybe it starts with one friend, one conversation, one open heart. Maybe that heart is yours? I pray it can be mine.

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The Forever Family of Special Needs

We are about two years since our sweet boy Keller officially ‘lost’ his autism diagnosis, and somehow even writing those words out seems surreal. Life is the most curious gift and journey. As a woman who literally didn’t know what autism even was and had to GOOGLE it after receiving an autism diagnosis for my son 7 years ago, but now raising a completely neurotypical son years later, it STILL is something that will never shake from my soul. Once you are a special needs mother, once you begin to walk the journey of every single day and moment trying to care for and serve your challenged child, once your eyes are opened to this world and the hardship and the beauty your eyes can never be closed.

Just the other day I was at the beach with my two kids. They were swimming and playing happily deep in the waters, only to return to ask for ice cream. Sitting right near me was a father with two kids a bit younger than mine, an older boy and younger girl. As the afternoon went on I noticed the daughter making a sand castle, eating chips and engaging with her dad, while the son was pacing and talking to himself. He continued these behaviors, seemingly in another world, for a long time, and even when the father tried to engage him the boy continued his own speaking and pacing. Suddenly I KNEW this boy. He had autism.

This cherished boy was on an outing with his dad and sister, and what was a beautiful and fun experience for most children was scary and strange for him. He was pacing and talking to himself to self-soothe and create calm in what must have been excruciating. He was having a brave day, and I wondered if his likely frazzled mother was home sleeping and soaking in some moments of rest. I wondered if his father was stressed and anxious watching his son be stressed and anxious. I wondered if his sister was also fatigued at a life always focused on her brother and if her joy was magnified that day to be doing something ‘normal’ with her dad. I KNOW this boy and I KNOW this family. I have been there. I don’t think I will come to a time where these moments of recognizing autistic behaviors in a child won’t strike me to the core.

Honestly, I hope I NEVER get to a place where it doesn’t shake me deeply.

I am now in the forever family of special needs. We special needs parents understand each other on a level that parents with ‘normal’ children can never understand. I know the fatigue, the stress, the questions, the worry, the pain and the heartbreak. But I also know the raw joy of progress, the gift of angels who come and assist on the journey and the hope that births when new things grow. I am in this forever family and I never want to leave.

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Sending Missionaries Well

Recently I had the great privilege of a trip back to the United States to connect with our family and friends.  As a missionary in South Africa now, our times in the USA are packed full with connecting with those we don't often see.  It had been two years since my last visit to America so I had MANY connections to make.  

Time as a missionary is spent telling stories, and the Prince family has many, many tales to share of our time living in South Africa.  We are journeying alongside people as they come to know God, learn to build their lives, become strong in their giftings and callings, and develop into the leaders that are going to change this beautiful nation.  I was at a gathering with some of our supporters and they were asking me to share some stories with them from the mission field. During a pause, an excited supporter asked me to share what was REALLY on my mind.  This dear friend thought I was in a spiritual reflection when I actually was just deeply struck with gratitude at the simplicity of what was happening.  I told him that I didn't have any spiritual musings, but only a radical thankfulness that I had a group of people who wanted to hear these stories.  I was simply struck that someone wanted to listen to me.

As a missionary, we spend time every single day with people who we serve and most of our stories are too intimate and personal to share on social media.  But these moments are treasures to us.  They are people and hearts and moments and conversations and breakthrough and we hold them so dear to our heart.  To have a group of people who simply wanted to hear them meant the world to my little heart, and I think it’s imperative that all missionaries have this sort of support.

How can you be a good supporter of the missionaries you know?

1. LISTEN WELL. Missionaries are experiencing a high concentration of beautiful moments and dark encounters and they deeply desire to share them. Ask missionaries about these moments and what they have learned from them.

2. PRAY WELL. Pray for the missionaries you know, and be asking how you can specifically be praying for them. We have a prayer team that covers us spiritually, and it means the world to have people backing us from afar.

3. LOVE WELL. When you do get to see missionaries, LOVE EXTRAVAGENTLY on them. We are always crazy humbled by our community when we return home from the mission field as they lavish love and blessing on us. Missionaries are usually the ones loving on others so it feels humbling to be filled by someone.

Nine years into our own journey as missionaries we clearly recognize that we could NEVER do what we are called to do without an incredible well of people who have sent us so well. We are grateful to God for all of you!

The NEW Diagnosis

We have entered a new chapter in our lives with a NEW DIAGNOSIS over Keller's life.  

A couple weeks ago we had a follow-up appointment with Keller's pediatric neurologist who diagnosed him on the autism spectrum in 2014.  We initiated the meeting because we felt that it was time to talk with her about Keller's diagnosis as it had become clear to us and his other therapists and community that he had truly lost all his symptoms.  

This appointment put me in a very tender and emotional state.  I was sure of what I had seen in Keller's life and deeply certain of the incredible and miraculous strides he had made since his diagnosis, but I also trust this expert and her opinion and wisdom into Keller's life.  Without her concrete diagnosis on Keller's life when he was 22 months we would NEVER be where we are today.  She sat at that first appointment and even before she had written up a full assessment she knew unequivocally that he was on the autism spectrum.  She left no doubt or questioning in our minds when we left her office and her certainty helped launch us into our new mission with Keller.  

However, as much as we are eternally grateful for this doctor, being on the doorstep of meeting with her again made me feel like my own fate was in her hands once more.  I felt vulnerable and extremely emotional the entire day leading up to the appointment.  There are times still in our journey with Keller when a wave of emotion, grief, or fear will wash over me about his life and I feel again like I might drown without the anchor of God to hold me in the storm.  We are blessed to have an incredibly supportive community around us and so some of our closest friends prayed with me during that day as we anticipated the appointment.

At last the appointment arrived.  Casey was confident, Keller was clueless and happy (as usual) and I was an emotional wreck.  Quickly in our conversation Dr. Schleigal asked why we were there and we told her about our desire for her to assess Keller's progress.  She asked Keller some questions and we continued to chat and then she said "Well he is obviously NOT on the spectrum!"

This sentence that just rolled of her tongue has absolutely has changed our lives.  Our son Keller does NOT have autism anymore.  Keller is NOT on the autism spectrum.  The new diagnosis is that we have NO DIAGNOSIS.  We just have a happy and full-of-life little boy.

This was what we had always hoped for but also were scared to dream of.  A couple years ago Casey and Kieren started praying every night that Keller would lose his diagnosis, but it was too scary and vulnerable for me to pray.  For me, God was still GOOD even if Keller never lost his diagnosis.  I didn't NEED that miracle, I just needed God in the midst of whatever our story was supposed to be.  But over the last year it has become glaringly clear that Keller does not have autism, and to let myself even begin to accept that has been huge.  But this appointment, this day with our doctor, was the confirmation of it all.  And it has been so good.

Honestly, it still feels unreal when I think that I DON'T have a son with special needs now.  It became a part of our identity as a family, not just for Keller, so it's strange that the term no longer applies.  We now look ahead to our future and dream with new lenses for Keller.  So much is possible, so much is tangible, so much is even beginning to happen now.  We have a new diagnosis of a son WITHOUT autism and our lives ahead look rich with promise and potential.

Serving in the LITTLE

Some days life, family, ministry is BIG and FULL and feels so significant.  Other days it's unseen and small and tedious.  This is life and it's both grand and ordinary.  But this life is also our gift to GOD and how we treat both the grand and the ordinary says something about how we worship this God.

Luke 16:10 says, "If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won't be honest with greater responsibilities."

This scripture isn't just about money but it's really EVERYTHING in our lives, because everything we have is a gift from God and we must be faithful in what we have been given.  Lately I have noticed that my life is SUCH a gift and the places God has allowed me to be in ministry are SUCH A GIFT.  I feel like things are growing and evolving and I just want to honor God in it all and be faithful with what I have been given.  GOD help me be faithful!!

There is a little boy in our road named Logan.  EVERYONE knows Logan.  Logan comes to our front door EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  He is looking mostly for Keller, but he is just looking for attention, love, someone to listen to his stories.  My time daily talking to Logan is very little but in God's eyes it's also VERY BIG.  God wants us to be faithful in the huge moments but also, and maybe especially, in the little moments with Logan.

God has just moved in my heart to tell me that He sees how I am sewing into the big things and especially into the little things.  Our hearts are not most revealed when we work hard at the big things that everyone sees and notices, but our hearts are truly known when we give everything in the little, the things no one will see or ever hear about.  It's GOD that we are doing this all for and HE is the audience.

Serve with beauty and boldness in the LITTLE.

You Went BIG

New friends of ours showed up at Keller's 6th birthday party this weekend with their son, and the dad took a look around the kitchen and said, "WHOA, you went BIG!" It was just a passing comment to him but really struck me as I glanced around our decorated kitchen.  Ummm, yes it seems that after HOURS of party preparation for Keller's superhero party, we had in fact gone REALLY BIG.  There were decorations, games, themes, food, banners, and more.  It was SUPER BIG. 

I thought later about that comment made by the father about us going BIG because I hadn't realized it before.  We always love celebrating birthdays in our home and as a family love putting together a party, but this one had gotten pretty extreme.  What happened that made it so BIG?

A quick reflection easily revealed that my heart is overflowing with thankfulness and celebration as Keller has recently lost his autism diagnosis.  There seems to be SO MUCH to celebrate.  Keller's early birthday parties were only a few people, and even that seemed to completely overwhelm his little head and heart.  As the years have gone on we have added people to his parties and they have become more big and boisterous.  But this year we have been planning his birthday party for MONTHS and he has been filled with eager anticipation for it.  He loves his friends, he loves a party, and he loves to celebrate.  We were all looking forward to it.

But maybe I was the one most looking forward to it.  To gather a big group of people and have a ruckus and rowdy celebration for my son is a true gift and one that I don't take lightly.  My son, who use to have autism and would literally SCREAM if anyone walked into our living room, now planned an entire party (and dinner that followed) for the people he loved and relished in every moment.  Truly, he soaked up all the love, attention and friendship of every single person that was there. 

It.  Was.  Stunning.

So yes.  I went BIG.  I went REALLY BIG.  I made too many decorations and I made the whole family dress up like superheroes and I bought WAY too much food and the whole thing was super over the top.  I went BIG.  But for my miracle boy I absolutely love BIG and celebrating all that God has done in his life.

Happy birthday dear Keller.  For you, my son, we go BIG!

Shoot To Kill

We were awoken abruptly in the middle of the night with the sound of three gunshots nearby.  Silence.  Three more gunshots and I reached over and grabbed Casey’s arm in the dark. Silence.  One more shot. 

Unfortunately, it’s not completely abnormal to hear gunshots if you live in the community of Ocean View.  Gangsterism is a part of life and we know many of the gangsters and their families who live near us.  We don’t feel threatened by them and the gang violence is towards other gang members, not innocent bystanders.  However, there are moments that sharply and aggressively remind you of the danger around you and the fragility of life. 

We talked about the shots fired the next morning, how jolting it was, and how especially ominous the final and lone gunshot was.  Casey remarked “that shot was the shoot to kill.”  He was right.  The other shots were aimed at another person to hurt them or stop them or wound them, but the final shot must have been at close range and was the shoot to kill.  That was the shot to take someone out for good.

This really got me thinking in spiritual terms and how the enemy must have a ‘shoot to kill’ tactic for each of us too.  The devil fires many different ‘shots’ trying to take us all down in many different ways.  John 10:10 says “The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy…”  We don’t realize it but the enemy is always trying to attack us.  It’s a part of our reality that we don’t like to think about, but ignoring it can be unwise.  1 John 5:19 says, “The whole world lies under the sway of the wicked one”.  Going even further, 1 Peter 5:8 describes the enemy as “a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour…”

In contrast, Jesus Christ offers us so much more - “exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20).  God wants an abundant and full life for us in Him; every single one of us.  But we are under attack and to live not recognizing our spiritual reality it is blind ignorance.  There is a death warrant on each of our heads.  The enemy wants death in our relationships, death in our families, death in our emotional lives, death in our finances, and death in our relationship with God, just to name a few. 

Thankfully we weren’t in danger the night of those nearby gunshots, we must live aware of the spiritual battle around us all.  I pray we ask God to help us see our world in new ways.

Doing GOOD

Thousands of women and I attended the Hillsong Colour Conference this past week in Cape Town, South Africa.  God certainly did spectacular things there and exceeded all expectations.  But what truly made my heart sour was nothing related to the production, world-class speakers, or epic and memorable moments from the stage.

This was my seventh Colour conference to attend, and as usual I had the beautiful privilege of hosting women from Ocean View for the stunning event.  Since it is a world-class conference it would be something out of reach for most of the families of Ocean View that support themselves and so many other around them.  Year after year, Hillsong Church has graciously sponsored a group from Ocean View so they woudn't miss out on the appointment with God.  Not only does Hillsong help sponsor our tickets, but they also provide transport, welcome the ladies as if they were royalty, and feed and personally host us throughout the entire conference.  They truly go above and beyond and it makes us feel like the most exclusive guests at the conference.

During one of the sessions where we were hearing about the incredible and inspiring work of people around the world for the kingdom of God, I sat listening with my Ocean View sisters and was overcome with emotion.  I don't have to travel around the world to see brave and sacrificial work done by the people of God, I only need to look to my sisters in Ocean View.  These women serve and love in ways that I could never imagine and each have a story of life in Christ that moves me.  They inspire me greatly and I found myself deeply grateful for their time at the conference to be refreshed and renewed for what God had for them to do in their lives.

What an honor to be a part of a church that truly considers others and shares what God has given us to those outside.  They love and care for the Ocean View community and I count it as such a privilege to help host these stunning ladies.  May we NEVER neglect doing good!

“Do not neglect to do good and share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”

-Hebrews 13:16 ESV