Love Him Now

I found this excerpt from a beautiful book called “Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew.”  One of my gut desires right now is to understand sweet Keller James.  In a moment I realized he wasn’t grumpy but misunderstood.  We don’t understand his world and what comes into his little mind and heart.  And so this piece really spoke to me.  I want to love Keller.  Love him ridiculously and lavishly because the world is hard for him.  This gives me a peek into how I can do that.  Join me in loving Keller (and ALL those in our lives) NOW.

Love me unconditionally.

Throw away thoughts like, “If you would just—” and “Why can’t you—?” You didn’t fulfill every expectation your parents had for you and you wouldn’t like being constantly reminded of it. I didn’t choose to have autism. Remember that it’s happening to me, not you. Without your support, my chances of growing up to be successful and independent are slim. With your support and guidance, the possibilities are broader than you might think.

Three words we both need to live by: Patience. Patience. Patience.

View my autism as a different ability rather than a disability. Look past what you may see as limitations and see my strengths. I may not be good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed that I don’t lie, cheat at games, or pass judgment on other people?

I rely on you. All that I might become won’t happen without you as my foundation. Be my advocate, be my guide, love me for who I am, and we’ll see how far I can go.”

-Ellen Notbohm, “Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew”

Hiding

I have never liked the game of hide-and-seek.  I’m not very good and it and I don’t like hiding in dark or dirty places.  And the second I hide I always need to pee.  Anyone relate?

However I have been hiding a bit in my world here.

I just realized it this week, but since Keller has been about 12 months old, he started to exhibit habits and characteristics that were… well… embarrassing.  He would cry whenever we went to a new place.  He would frequently throw tantrums.  He would HATE whenever we would meet anyone new.  He was all around a little grumpy.  So I started staying home with him more.  We called it ‘grumpy Keller’ or ‘introverted Keller’ but I began to manage his world and MY world so that we wouldn’t have his meltdowns.

Inadvertadly, in my hiding, I started hiding from my friends and community.  While Kieren as a baby loved visiting new people and staying at friends homes in Ocean View, Keller just couldn’t do it.  Not only did it make Keller upset to visit new places but it made me incredibly tense.  So we started hiding. Friends and Ocean View neighbors would ask why they hadn’t seen Keller and I would just say he slept a lot or was home or…. I don’t know what I said.  But I was hiding.

Then last week Keller was diagnosed with autism.  Suddenly it made sense why he was always ‘grumpy’ when we visited new places.  I now understand why he seems to HATE new people and tantrum at any transition.  He is isn’t being naughty; he is autistic, and the kinds of things that were always normal for Kieren are hostile and scary to Keller.

Yesterday I got a call from one of my dear Ocean View friends who lives on our street.  Kieren spent countless hours at her home as she has grew up.  In fact, this family were some of our first true Ocean View friends.  She asked how we were doing and said she heard about Keller and his diagnosis.  She wanted to hear about it.  And then she said… no she insisted that they LOVE Keller and that he must come to her house more often.  She described in length that he loves it there and how he acts and how comfortable he is, even if he cries for a minute when I leave.  This dear friend was reaching out and saying she wants to be a part of Keller’s life and she wants to see him grow and flourish even with autism.

I realized in that moment that I have been hiding.

I hide because I don’t want to overwhelm Keller, but I also hide because it’s embarrassing to be the mother of a child who has huge and uncontrollable meltdowns.  But now I have no excuses.  It’s actually a NEED of Keller to learn how to interact, how to be social, how to make friends and be comfortable with it.  We are going to have to TEACH him how to do these things and I can’t do it alone.  This also means that I might need to just be embarrassed at times.  I might need to ask for help.  I might need to burden other people.  I might need to ask for help.

No.  Not ‘might’ need to ask for help… I ‘DO’ need to ask for help.

We live in a community of broken and vulnerable people and I love to serve and walk alongside them.  Evidently I don’t like to be the broken one.  It’s easier to hide and cover it all up but, I can’t hide anymore.

As I come out of hiding I think of my God, who never hides from me.  God is always wanting to be found by us, and always ready to help and heal.  Keller needs therapies but my broken heart needs a lot of healing.  And my God is already here.

Time to stop hiding.

“You will seek me and FIND me when you seek me with all your heart.” -Jeremiah 29:13

The Big Sister

(Written on Thursday, March 6, 2014)

This morning we told Kieren.

We had to sit down our sweet, angelic, fun little girl and tell her that her little brother has special needs.

Kieren is only five, so there is only so much of this she can even understand, but I couldn’t help but gaze into her beautiful eyes as she listened to her daddy and nodded in understanding.

We told her that Keller is different, and his brain works differently.  Keller isn’t naughty but doesn’t learn the same way other kids do and will need special help with it.  Keller needs special patience and love from us because of how he has been made.

No parent should have to have this conversation with their daughter.

I can’t help but think of how Kieren shouldn’t have to give up so much.  She shouldn’t have to be patient when her brother can’t share.  It shouldn’t be normal that her brother is crying every time we leave somewhere.  It shouldn’t be that her brother gets so much attention and NEEDS so much attention every day.

But we don’t get to create our normal.  Keller and autism will be our new normal.  Her new normal will be therapies and strategies to help Keller.

But if there was ever a big sister who could rise to this challenge, it would be Kieren Joy Prince.

Kieren is full of compassion, creativity, laughter, and faith.  She will be the perfect BIG SISTER.

Thank you Jesus for the challenges and the difficulties and bringing us ALL on the ride.

The Day After

(this post was written on Wednesday, March 5th, 2014, one day after Keller’s autism diagnosis)

These days will now always be labeled differently.  There will be the days before the diagnosis and the days after the diagnosis.  We will vividly remember the feelings before and after the day.  We will remember the tears, the questions, the pain, and the unknown future.

I want to share on the day after the diagnosis.  I want to remember these days.  Remember my choices.  Remember the raw emotions.  And remember the hope that God brought into my broken heart.

Yesterday felt like a movie.  We sat in a  doctor’s office and she was talking to us, telling us of Keller’s diagnosis and beginning to explain things to us.  But I couldn’t move past the word ‘AUTISM.’  And I was having an inner dialogue as she spoke.  I thought, wait did she just say autism? No surely she just meant sensory issues or quirky personality.  She didn’t say that word.  She couldn’t have said that word…

And then I snapped back into reality.  She had said that word.  Keller had just been diagnosed with autism.

We will always remember yesterday.  The day of the diagnosis.

I often feel that labels can be hurtful and hold us down.  God is bigger than labels.  But in this case, a diagnosis is helpful, as I am already learning.  We will always have a different journey with Keller in helping him to learn, speak, eat, and interact with others.  He will most likely have a full and joy-filled life.  But it will be a journey.  And we will always need and WANT to consider autism.

Keller has always been a different kid.  He is introverted.  He loves certain toys like trucks and his pillow.  He doesn’t want to stand still.  He has his own ‘language.’  He does things his own way.  Some of these things that were once cute and now concerning.

Don’t get me wrong, we couldn’t love Keller more than we do.  We adore him and enjoy him.  But he is different.  And we have realized that these ‘different’ things are not just things he will grow out of.  We will need to work through them.  Either he will grow out of them or we will learn to accept them.  Our lives will look different.  Kieren’s life will look different.  Keller’s life will be different from other kids.

When you have a child you have so many dreams.  As they grow your dreams for them grow.  You hope for so much.  You yearn for so much.  But overall you just want a healthy child.  Keller is physically perfectly healthy, but his brain isn’t working as it should for his age.  So we have a new journey.

Autism is described and defined in so many ways, and Casey and I now have lots to learn.  To my pea-sized and heartbroken brain, it seems that it is a complex developmental brain disorder.  It affects the way Keller perceives the world and can make social interaction and communication difficult.

Honestly, just in our beginning reading we know that this diagnosis is true.  There are many, many cases that are much more severe, and so we are thankful, but it is autism.

I am writing this today to mark this day.  I want to mark the day after the diagnosis.  The day after a sea of tears.  The day after more questions swimming in my brain then I have ever had.  The day after I started to see Keller in a completely different way.  The day after I realized that many of my own dreams and goals would be put on hold.  The day after after it all changed.

But God’s small voice is calling to me on this day.  In my tears HE is speaking and drawing close to my broken heart.  He is already reminding me that all my dreams are nothing compared to HIM.  He defines my life, He defines fullness and abundance.  He is everything.

This worship song came on today and it focused my heart on Him.  I pray in the sea of the feelings I will encounter ahead that God will continue to reach into my darkness and show His love.  I know He will.

“Everyone has their obsession

Consuming thoughts, consuming time

They hold high their prized possession

That defines the meaning of their lives

You are mine”

-Mutemath

In a Moment

They always say that your entire life can change in just a moment.

For the Prince family, it just did.

This past week Keller was diagnosed with autism.

“Autism is a mental condition, present from early childhood, characterized by great difficulty in communicating and forming relationships with other people and in using language and abstract concepts.”

We aren’t sure exactly where he is on the ‘autism spectrum’ as we haven’t received the full written report from our doctor, but we are sure it is a correct diagnosis.  We had some concerns about some sensory issues and delays in Keller and took him to see a neurologist who specializes in children and special needs.  We knew there was some work to do, but were blindsided by the diagnosis of autism.

Now everything has changed.  We are a family with a special needs child.  Autism is now personal.  We are a fury of sadness, confusion and exhaustion.  There are many more questions than answers.  There are many places we know we will get to.  We know we will accept it.  We know we will become warrior, advocate parents.  We know we will get a clear diagnosis and have clear therapies scheduled.  We know the diagnosis will be freeing at some point.  We know it will become our NEW NORMAL eventually.  But for now we are not at those places yet.

We are just feeling these feelings and trying to get our minds around this new life of ours.  We are inviting God into the darkness and just asking Him to be present.  We don’t want to just attach Christian language to this or will ourselves to feel better.  We want to truly ask God to do miracles placing this challenge before Him.  We know He can and we know He will.

A new  journey is ahead for the Prince family.  We will seek therapies for Keller right here in South Africa and will see him grow into the Keller God intends him to be right here in Ocean View.  Our story is to be told in this place.

In a moment everything has changed.  We invite you to pray for us and pray for the days ahead.  We know they will be painfully difficult at times and yet also believe that in them we will see the glorious presence of our GOOD GOD.  Join us.

“I cry out to God Most High,     to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.” -Psalm 57:2

Spare Your People

“Let the priests, who minister in the Lord’s presence,
    stand and weep between the entry room to the Temple and the altar.
Let them pray, “Spare your people, Lord!
    Don’t let your special possession become an object of mockery.
Don’t let them become a joke for unbelieving foreigners who say,
    ‘Has the God of Israel left them?’” -Joel 2:17

Our house has become a bit of a confessional and counseling center in the past month.

People just keep coming over and sharing their stories, their struggles, their hurts, and their pain.

I hold their tales in confidence, but their pain hurts my heart.

I hear of drug addiction, abuse as a child, anger that rears its head uninvited, alcohol that is tearing homes apart, and deep wounds from the past that seem as fresh as the day they were inflicted.

At the end of last year a friend who also minsters in Ocean View gave me this Joel verse that had been laid on his heart.  It is an intense prayer; really a cry out to God.

As I hear the stories of these dear brothers and sisters in Christ, this verse stirs in my soul.  We should be crying out to God for his people.  We should be letting Him know that it’s not fair.  It’s not right.  It’s not okay. And we will not rest until God does something.

We need healing in people’s hearts.  We need the strength to overcome drugs and alcohol.  We need the patience to work through past pain.  We need God to do miracles.

And so I pray “SPARE YOUR PEOPLE LORD.”

Waiting on HIS MIRACLES and LOVE to pierce through the pain I see.  Expectant I will see HIS KINGDOM COME in Ocean View.  AMEN.

Why I TEACH

“Teachers have three loves: love of learning, love of learners, and the love of bringing the first two loves together.” -Scott Hayden

Today I am sharing about TEACHING.  Something I love and am privileged to do here in Cape Town.

I teach at a school called Cornerstone Institute.  It is a incredibly diverse and alive place and I love the faculty and students that surround me there.  I only teach part-time and so is something I can add in with the ministry and family life that takes my main focus.

But oh, do I love to teach.  I always suspected I would love to teach.  It’s actually why I first pursued my Masters at Duke Divinity School.  My hope was to get my PhD and teach New Testament.  God took me on many different roads, and now here I am in Cape Town, teaching Biblical Studies and Practical Ministry at this wonderful school.  It is a rich experience and one that challenges me deeply.

Why do I teach?

I teach because it was a gift given to me by God.

I teach because I love to see people learn.

I teach because I like the challenge of something vulnerable, scary, unpredictable, and so full of possibilities.

I teach because I LOVE college students and how open to the world they are.

I teach because God told me to.

“So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” -Ephesians 4:11-13

Ubuntu Fundraiser 2014

This week we had our annual Ubuntu Fundraiser here in Cape Town.  It was an incredible night and once again we are in AWE of what God is doing.

I got to emcee the night and it was such a privilege!  Thought I would share part of me speech from the night, as it was really fun to share why I think Ubuntu is doing such a fantastic job.  Read below!

• Welcome to the annual Ubuntu Family Fundraiser Night
• I am Sarah Prince, wife of Casey Prince, co-founder of Ubuntu Football
• We hope you enjoyed the game and refreshments and our hope is that tonight we feel thanked for your participation in the Ubuntu Football story and make it more a part of your heart.
• This is not a formal atmosphere but a FAMILY ATMOSPHERE so we hope you will feel at home, laugh, make some new friends, and get the spirit of what we are about.

Nelson Mandela said in 1997, “Our children are our greatest treasure. They are our future. Those who abuse them tear at the fabric of our society and weaken our nation.”

• The Youth of South Africa have always played a vital role in our history.  They have always had a voice.  Always had a battle cry, be it about football or freedom.
• Many believe that one of the major turning points in the struggle against apartheid is when 20,000 youth protested the Bantu education they thought to be unfair in Soweto in the year 1976.
• Many youth shed blood and died that day, and their cries still echo in the history of this nation.
• Their bloodshed was tragic but their spirit and fight was inspirational.  It made the world stop and take notice.
• While 1994 brought democracy to South African and freedom for all races and backgrounds in this beautiful country, the past 20 years of history show that we are still far from the dreams that encompassed those hopeful years.
• The statistics of youth in South Africa paint a dire picture
• As South Africa continues to grow into its democracy and identity, it seems that we are mostly made up of young people
• Those who are below the age of 35 years constitute about 77.6 per cent of the total population. With over 50 million South Africans, 18.5 per cent are between the ages 10-19; and 24 per cent are aged 15-24.
• Young people are vulnerable to many health risks, while racism and discrimination remain serious concerns. Teenage pregnancy abounds, alcoholism and drugs are a daily massive threat.  Often young people remark that suicide is one of their greatest worries as so many feel hopeless and lost.
• This picture is a reality as our family lives in the Ocean View community, residing on the property of the Ocean View Methodist church.
• The curbs of Ocean View are filled with young men and women who are without hope and vision for their lives.  They are broken and without any ideas of how to move ahead.
• It seems as if the youth of 1976 lived with a fire burning in their souls that forced them to act.  They were fed up with the discrimination and mistreatment and did something about it.
• Do today’s South African youth have the same resolve and vision?  When I look out I see an apathy intertwined with their hopelessness.  What can be done?  How do we build a new South Africa in the face of such darkness?
• We at Ubuntu Football are not apathetic to the problem.  We believe that the young people of South Africa can rise to their potential and change the trajectory of this nation and the entire continent of Africa.
• We aren’t here to just feed some children or set up sports games to keep them off the streets for a couple hours a day.  We can’t continue to try to rescue broken men but we need to raise boys to become the true men this country needs.  Ubuntu Football wants to raise the next great leaders of Africa through the context of football.
• We achieve this goal in two ways.  One, we run a development program called ‘Football Forward’ for boys and girls age 8-12.  This is open to all and has the components of soccer development and mentoring, reaching out to all who would like to come and participate.
• Next we run the Ubuntu Football Academy, which most of you are more familiar with.  This is a high level football academy, where boys are chosen based on their soccer ability and character to be a part of our holistic and rigorous program.  Not only are they trained at the highest level of soccer coaching, they are also sponsored with a private education here at the Sun Valley groups of school, are given proper nutrition, mentored and discipled throughout the entire year.  The bar is set high for these boys and it is a arduous transition into the program, but over their time in the Ubuntu academy the boys settle into the vision and make it their own.
• The Ubuntu Football Academy was founded in 2011 and now has 40 boys in its academy ranging from age 12 to age 16.
• These boys aren’t just being trained in football but are brought into the Ubuntu family and expected to become part of the Ubuntu culture.  It becomes part of their blood and permeates everything they do.
• And if Ubuntu is going to successfully transform boys that also have the opportunity to be apathetic like their peers they their mindsets, thinking and attitudes must change.
• One way this is brought to life is in the “Ubuntu Creed” that they have all memorized and recite together.

• When you do begin to take on this culture, and it gets into your soul and spirit, then success will naturally follow
• We have seen great success in our Ubuntu boys over the past three years both in educational strides and on the football pitch.
• In 2013 several of the high school boys received distinction in at least one subject, and Wade Coetzee won the trophy for math literacy.
• They also had a great amount of success on the football pitch.  While playing with our partner club Fish Hoek AFC, the under-15’s won their league and their knockout final.  Some of the players also played under-17 throughout the year and helped secure a promotion to the Super-League.  Chadley Philander was named Junior Player of the Year at the club.  Wade Coetze was selected for the under-16 Western Province Team.
• 10 of the Ubuntu boys played for the Cape Town Tygerberg District Team.
• While playing with Sun Valley, the boys won the regional Championship for the under-15 Coke Cup and the under-16 Metropolitan Cup.  Their runner-up finish in the Metropolitan Cup meant they got to play in the national finals in Polokwane.
• 5 of the boys, Karl, Wade, Chadley, Eric, and Ryan, were selected for the Under-15 Coke Cup National Select Team.
• From that Carl Van Rensburg was one of four players nation-wide to tour Brazil this upcoming June during the world cup.
• These accolades are obviously stunning and impressive, but to me, what is most stunning is the character of these boys.  In the past three years they have grown by leaps and bounds and I would be proud to call any of them my sons.  I already do.
• None of this would be possible without the incredible, dedicated, and hilarious Ubuntu Football staff that give their lives to this purpose.
• Michael Jenkins, Casey Prince, Karl Ostrand, Erik and Melissa Hall, Treswill Overmeyer, Sean Lamb, and Thomas Ndabeni.

Be Themselves

Oh life as a mom.

Some days it fills you with such joy and some days you finish and you are FINISHED.

I have had some of both lately.

But thinking a lot about how I love my kids.  And really, how I love ALL people.  When you are a parent you have such huge dreams for your children.  You see all they could be.  You see them in their best and most beautiful moments.  You stare at their perfect little faces and think they are a treasure.

And then sometimes they are crazy and “not so perfect.”

We are in a journey with Keller.  Learning he is an extreme introvert and hates new things and lots of people.  That’s fine except we LIVE IN OCEAN VIEW.

Our house is a train station, our life is ministry, and the people of Ocean View want to love on Keller.  Most times he says “NO NO” to them if they even attempt to look at him.  LITERALLY.

How do I love Keller for who he is and yet help him to grow to all he can become?

And GOSH, how can I do that for ALL THE PEOPLE in my life that I love??

Sometimes we love people with stipulation.  We love them when they perform or are on their best behavior.  Keller is never on his best behavior and yet my momma heart SWELLS with love for him.

I want my heart to swell with love for all people.  Just as they are.  Right where they are at.  I want to love them purely and yet also encourage them to grow to be all they can become.  And I want to walk with them as they do that.

That will surely be my path with Keller.  Loving him as he is and walking with him as he becomes all God created him to be.  I can’t wait.

And I realize that my heart too is changed in this kind of loving.  Noticing finally that GOD loved me just as I am and walks with me to all I become.

THANK YOU JESUS.

Fiesta

Last weekend we held our annual “Kieren Birthday Fiesta” to celebrate our sweet princess.

Everyone is welcome.  Seriously.  If you didn’t get an invite then you better let me know for next year.

It’s such a joy to gather with our WIERD and WILD community and just be together.  We spoil Kieren, we eat Mexican food, we knock open a pinata, we make new friends, we laugh, and we make a crazy mess.

It’s seriously the best.

On a side note, Keller HATED it.  Our sweet little man is showing his introverted colors these days and loathed all the people filling his normally peaceful home.  But Kieren LOVED every second.

After the food was eaten, house cleaned, decorations put away, and every guest gone, we asked ourselves WHY DO WE DO THIS??

For me, it’s all about the people.

To have one afternoon where most of my favorite people are all together eating and laughing, is a piece of heaven for me.

I also have some strong introverted feelings in my heart, but something changes in me once a year and I rejoice in a home full of people and  love.

So happy birthday Kieren Joy, and thank you to all our community who celebrated so well.