Five Ways to Last As a Missionary

November 7, 2014

This past October we will celebrated five years on the mission field living in South Africa.

This is a momentous and special occasion for us and definitely something we celebrated.  Not because we are so special for lasting this long, but more because those we love and serve are so special for putting up with us so long!  No but seriously…

So it has me thinking of HOW DID WE MAKE IT THIS LONG??

In honor of our five year anniversary on the mission field here are:

FIVE WAYS TO LAST AS A MISSIONARY:

1. GIVE and RECEIVE .  Many missionaries come in to serve, help and love people.  This is based on the assumption that I have something and those I am coming to serve do not.  I am blessed.  I am whole.  I am healed.  I have resources.  I have and they do not.  Obviously most missionaries do not realize this is their thinking, but it’s an underlying assumption and it separates you from those you serve and can quickly create a ‘Messiah Complex.’  Urban Dictionary describes the Messiah Complex as “a state of mind in which an individual holds a belief they are, or are destined to become, a savior.  Jesus had a messianic complex.”  Umm yeah, Jesus had a messianic complex because HE WAS THE MESSIAH.  WE ARE NOT.  We need to know that while we have been blessed with some talents, gifts, finances, and training, there is SO MUCH that we can learn from those we serve and we always need to be open to what God wants to teach us.  Trust me, He has a LOT to teach you.  Be ready to teach and help but be open handed so you can also receive from those God puts you among.

2. CREATE COMMUNITY. Oh man you can’t do this journey alone.  We have had a few instances happen in our story here that FORCED us to create community (i.e. major burn accident and special needs diagnosis) but no matter the ease of life we always need to do this life together.  You need people to pray with you, laugh with you, cry with you, work beside you, and celebrate all the milestones of ministry on the mission field.  Bring people on the journey with you and it will be so much fuller.

3. Love SCANDALOUSLY.  When you go into the mission field I want to let you know one thing you will encounter that you won’t expect: BROKEN PEOPLE.  The people you will go to love will be pretty unlovable at times and it is hard to love broken people.  They don’t know how to receive love or give love.  People will hurt you and try to break you and manipulate you and turn their back on you.  When this happens… love anyways and love SCANDALOUSLY.  We are called in Philippians to have the humility of Christ who gave everything to love His people, and we must follow that example.  Don’t just love the ones who are easy to love, the ones who come to all your events, the ones who respond to your brilliant sermons and studies, but seek out the really broken and hurting.  They need it most and love even when it’s beyond reason and scandalous.

4. LIVE in Scripture.  As a pastor for many years, I have taught scripture, read scripture and studied scripture for my bachelors and Masters’ programs.  I KNOW much about scripture, but as a missionary I have learned that I have to LIVE in scripture.  I eat scripture and devour it like my life depends on it.  We have faced so many huge trials in our five years here and huge challenges we face in serving the people here in Africa.  Without scripture I honestly don’t think we could have made it through what we have faced.  God has been sovereign and allowed these things to happen in our lives, but learning to cling to HIM for power and strength in it all has changed our lives.  We find that strength, hope, guidance, and inspiration in God’s word.

5. Seek out REST.  This last one is the hardest for me.  Seems that my life trained me to be a ‘do-et’ and not a ‘rest-er’ but I have found that you desperately need to be both.  Our hearts, our health, our families, our entire lives desperately need both.  We know so many missionaries and pastors both near and far who struggle with finding rest as well and we are convinced that the only cycles and habits of rest and renewal will allow the spiritual worker to make it for the long haul.  Find out what gives you rest and renewal and put it on the schedule.  Be unapologetic and persistent about your rest.  Your life depends on it.

Now go and change the world!  Or rather, be changed by the world you SERVE!

Five Tips on Taking A Child with Autism on Holiday

September 30, 2014

We recently were inspired to take a short family holiday (or vacation for you Americans) as it’s been such a hectic season of life around here.  A couple nights on the coast of South Africa in peacefulness and rest.

Oh and we were planning on bringing our son with autism too.

So I now would like to share five TIPS on taking your child with autism on a holiday:

1. DON”T EVER TAKE A CHILD WITH AUTISM ON A HOLIDAY/VACATION/DAY OUTING/ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HOME.  What are you thinking??  Your child has AUTISM?  Everything new and different makes them completely stressed out and scared.  If you are ever thinking of taking your child with autism to a new place for a rest take that thought and put it in a treasure chest, dig a hole, bury it and only retrieve it again in 10 years when life bears some sense of normalcy.  Do NOT take your child with autism on holiday.

2. Did you see number one??  Just wanted to remind you in case you were tempted to not listen to me.  If you are sure you want to try this holiday thing, get ready for major meltdowns.  Oh, you think you are use to your child with autism having meltdowns?  You haven’t seen meltdowns until you have experienced holiday/vacation meltdowns.  The travel and new environments will cause your child’s brain to completely short out and melt into a puddle.  This will result in LOTS. OF. CRYING.  LOTS.

3. Okay, so if you still determined to take your child with autism on a “STRESS-CATION” as Keller would have termed it if he could speak clearly, then you need to load down your car with LOTS and LOTS of __________ (whatever your child with autism is crazily obsessed with).  For us this is trucks, books, and the iPad.  Have them available at EVERY MOMENT.

4. Also very important for your “STRESS-CATION” is your own favorite __________ (wine, chocolate, cake, movies, books, heavy narcotics, whatever makes YOU happy as a parent).  Eventually your crazy kids fall asleep and the quiet noises will be as loud as a construction site.  Make sure you have something to do as parents because you will not be preparing for the next day of school/therapy/driving to activities/playdates/etc that you normally do.  You get to REST as shocking as it is, so make sure you bring some things to help you rest.

5. Last tip – even though your holiday may be a “STRESS-CATION,” count the costs and do it anyways.  GO!

It is hard and it is exhausting to take a child with special needs on a holiday but it’s worth the effort/stress/crying/trouble.  In the end the joy of being together and resting and making new memories is WORTH IT.

Keller struggled at first to get use to the long drive but he (we) made it.  Keller struggled being in a new house and figuifng out his new surroundings but he (we) did it.  Keller struggled to sleep in a new place that wasn’t home but he (we) did it.  Keller didn’t love our hiking adventures and outings but he (we) did it.  We all did it.  Together.  And it was special and beautiful.

So go!  Head out on your own stress-cation… I mean HOLIDAY soon!

HOUSE RULES

September 17, 2014

I was thinking lately about our strange little family and how every once in a while you realize that how YOU do it isn’t how everyone else does it.

I have always loved family and grew up in a very happy one that valued our time together.  As Casey and I have begun to watch our kids grow up in our household we have realized that we have some HOUSE RULES that pertain to our family and are non-negotiable when you live with the Prince’s.   Even when we have fostered children we involved them in our home rules and we think that abiding by these rules is what keeps us happy and whole.  Our home is a place of PEACE and JOY and these rules help keep it that way.

So here they are in no particular order.

PRINCE FAMILY HOUSE RULES:

1. Wrestle-mania.  We like to wrestle and throw little people and put each other in head locks and yell and scream.  We wrestle and even autistic Keller who hates hugs LOVES to wrestle.

2. Family Dinner.  This is a non-negotiable that always is being ‘tweaked’ because Casey is a soccer coach and often gets home late.  MANY nights we have TWO dinners at the dinner table because I eat with the kids earlier and then we sit with Casey when he eats.  We eat together.  We are working on Keller on this one because his little autistic brain HATES sitting at the dinner table but coaxing and bribery is helping!

3. Say “I LOVE YOU.”  This one I got from my parents, but when you leave the home or say goodnight we must share that we love each other.  Even though we ‘know’ it we still must say it.  It’s good to know you are loved.  All the little kids that are in and out of our home are also told they are loved.  We are working on this with Keller but I have no doubt he will be screaming it out sometime soon!

4. Big LAUGHS.  We like to laugh in our home and even on the hardest days we find ways to laugh.  We watch funny shows, we do a lot of tickling, we tease each other and we generally try to just have a good time.  Laughter really is the BEST medicine.

5. PRAY.  We think it’s very important to pray together and so we do it with the kids and with each other as a couple.  This is just a non-negotiable that we started at the beginning of our marriage 12 years ago.  We do it when we need to pray, we do it when we are thankful, and we DEFINITELY pray when we don’t feel like it.  We just pray.

6. Dance.  When all else fails, just dance.

7. Make it work.  We are ALL in ministry together as a family, no matter what one or the other is called to be a part of.  Because of that we make our callings work for the ENTIRE family.  God won’t call one of us to do something for His kingdom to the detriment of another.  We are one as a family and whatever the call or need, we have to make it work for ALL of us.  At the end of the day we are in this together so we figure out how to do it together or not do it at all.

8. You are welcome.  People are welcome in our home.  You are ALL welcome.  Our home becomes a bit of a ‘train station’ at times, and we definitely have boundaries, but we want people to feel welcome and loved in our home.  So come on in.  Have some coffee, play with the toys, let’s pray about it, and feel at home.  You are welcome here.

What are your house rules?  We love our home and would love you to come by anytime!

Image via

Peaks and Valleys

Casey has recently taken up hiking as a hobby.  Hiking is very popular here in Cape Town as there are endless mountains and trails.  Last week he took Kieren and her little buddy Dunte on another long hike to visit a waterfall.  They had a grand adventure.

I took a nap.  It was also grand.

I have been thinking a lot about the peaks and valleys of life.

There are so many highs and lows that come with every single day.  We expect and look for the highs and we are shocked and discouraged at the lows.  But both should be expected.  Both are NEEDED.

Now being a special needs family has really highlighted the peaks and valleys in our life.  We are on a journey of early intervention for Keller’s autism and there are MANY highs and lows.  Both are to be expected and even both are NEEDED.  But the lows hurt pretty bad.

We are seeing progress in Keller in certain areas of his life through therapy.  He is learning new words all the time and LOVES celebrating with us for every new word.  His new favorite word is ‘bulldozer’ which he says ‘fur-oh-duh.’  He is so proud.  I AM SO PROUD.  But we are also seeing Keller really struggle with some other parts of his life, and sometimes his struggling is INTENSE.  Recently bath time has become ‘oh so you are trying to murder  me?’ time in Keller’s head.  HE HATES BATH.  HE SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS FROM THE MOMENT YOU SAY ‘BATH.’  It’s pretty painful for me; so much so, that I recently came to the conclusion that children do not ever needs baths and we will now skip them forever.

They are cute and will still be loved when they are smelly.

Our therapist didn’t agree with my new life choice and says we should keep bathing our kids.

So the torture continues.

But it got me really thinking of the peaks and valleys in autism treatment and IN LIFE.  Sometimes you are moving forward and sometimes you are being pushed backwards.  Sometimes you are swimming in blessing and other times you feel you must be cursed.  One moment you are on the top and then next minute you are down in the ditch.  This is life, and there are things to be learned from both parts of the journey.  We need the HIGHS and LOWS.

So when you see pictures from our family on social media that look like this:

There was probably just a moment that more looked like this:

That pillow is Keller’s BEST FRIEND.  It’s disgusting and sewn up so many times and full of holes and his WORLD.  Without it, and often times WITH it, Keller melts down.

This is life.  We learn and we grow.  We have highs and we have lows.

And sometimes life seems to give us HUGE mountains that we must climb, and so we climb and build our endurance along the way.  We are definitely building some endurance and can’t wait to see the view from the top of THIS mountain.