Therapizing

Keller’s world of play is more and more becoming a world of therapy.  I say we are ‘therapizing’ our entire lives at this point.  Wake up turns into a therapy opportunity.  School is a place where he is pushed toward therapy goals.  Afternoon play is time for therapy.  And then we end the day with bed-time play with a therapy spin.  Yep.  Therapizing our world.

We are now (finally!) starting ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy with some great therapists.   It is based around play but will really push Keller because the goal is to change his behavior to age-appropriate goals based on rewards.  Basically it’s changing his behavior to grow and learn.  A neruotypical child just naturally follows and mimics his or her parents and then learns behaviors, eating, talking, and social cues.  Keller does not do that and so has to be taught everything.  So we are starting with about 3 hours a week and will quickly move to 6 hours and more.  This is in addition to his occupational therapy goals to help him with his sensory problems and our new dietary focus to get him more nutrition and rule out any food sensitivities.

As we therapize our world I feel like I am the last to accept it all.  Keller is doing great (even though today included many tears, it ended in happy play).  Kieren desperately wants to help Keller with EVERYTHING and loves being his therapist, as she is already sister, momma, coach, and dance instructor to him.  Casey is taking it all in stride as he always does with life and is welcoming this new change seeing how much it will help Keller in the end.  And then there is ME.  I KNOW that the end goal is a Keller who can function and flourish in the world, which means he has a lot to learn, but his cries tear my heart apart.  His world is very different from normal kids and I just can’t seem to accept it.  But while it may not be fair, we see God is GOOD in providing so many to walk this new journey with us.  We have doctors, therapists, community, resources, and tons of advice and wisdom.  It may not be fair but it is full… FULL of God’s goodness and provision.

So Jesus we receive this new therapized world along with your great love for us that is so, so evident.

And YOU are welcome for bringing a new word into your world: ‘therapizing.’  Use it in a sentence right now so you don’t forget it.

The Making of a Momma

This weekend is Mother’s Day and my heart swells for many reasons.

First I think of my own momma who is such an incredible and wonderful woman.  She is seriously filled with the craziest joy and energy.  She loves people, loves counselling (the call on her life), she loves FOOD, she loves laughing, she loves learning, she loves helping others learn, she loves her husband, she loves her daughters, she is OBSESSED with her grandkids, and she adores her extended family.  Alicia Collins is an unforgettable lady to anyone she meets, but I am blessed to call her mom.  She bottles all her insane love and shoots it into our world.  She cries with us, laughs through everything, does ANYTHING to make her grandkids laugh, and just enters into every part of our world.  She covers us in prayer and releases us to do God’s work even though she would rather kidnap us and hide us in her basement.  She is a mom who has evolved to be the BEST mom of this family, loving us fiercely and releasing us to the world for God’s glory.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom.

Next I think of all the incredible moms I have mothering beside me in life.  I know single mothers who give everything in their lives to provide for and love their children.  I know older mothers who are now raising their grandchildren and do it with grace and joy.  I know mothers who love their kids beautifully and somehow love the rest of the world around them sacrificially.  I know stay-at-home moms and work-all-day moms and everything in between.  I have so many incredible mothers around me, and they even ‘mother’ me sometimes (which is desperately need and secretly love).  I am in an incredible company of moms who are warriors and lovers and heroes.

Happy Mother’s Day Friends.

Finally, I think of Mother’s Day in my own home as I am privileged to be the mother of the two coolest and sweetest kids on the planet.  These kids have truly ‘made’ me into a mother, but it also happened in the shadow of my own mother and next to my company of mothers.  But in my own home, every day, in the tiniest of ways, I get to love Kieren and Keller and guide them towards a full life and Jesus.  Some days I think my heart will EXPLODE with joy after one of their sweet looks or an unprompted hug.  Being a mother is such a great joy.  It brings you to the highest highs and in it you experience some of the deepest pains you have ever known.  Every day you love your kids from your guts and continually release them into the big bright world.  It is both love and release.  It is beautiful and it is heart-wrenching.

The making of THIS momma has not been easy.  I have been made over many days and many experiences, many bouts of laughter and many tears, in many dance parties and many bedtimes stories, in many kisses and in many hugs.  Kieren and Keller have made me mommas, but you all have made me a momma.

And one day when my children are gone and my home is empty my heart will be FULL remembering these days and the tiny precious moments that made this momma.

Thankful and grateful and PRAISING.

Happy Mother’s Day to you all.

Always a Conquerer

This weekend I was scheduled to preach at Ocean View Methodist Church once again, something I am privileged to do every month.  It is something I look forward to every month as I love teaching an building God’s word into my church community.  But this month I was a little nervous about it.

This would be my first sermon at OV Methodist since D-DAY (Keller’s diagnosis day) and I was unsure of my steps.  I have wondered in the past two months on many occasions if I would get up to speak or lead at something and just fall into an overwhelming crying spell in the middle of a sentence.  It hasn’t happened, but I have wondered… I wasn’t sure if I could get through an entire sermon, but more I wasn’t sure I had the emotional energy to listen to God’s voice for my church and then write a sermon.  It takes a lot of my heart and mind and emotional space and I take it very seriously.  But in praying about this sermon I felt led to move forward and began praying through the sermon.

I felt two things should be said.  I first knew that I should just tell Keller’s story and confess where we were emotionally.  We had told our church of Keller’s diagnosis but not much else, and I wanted to share.  The facts of the diagnosis are important but I also wanted them to know of their pastor’s broken heart and unsteady future.  But second I felt God wanted me to share His simple truth that He is with us in dark days and difficult times.

Sharing my story of Keller’s diagnosis of autism NOW is hard because the story isn’t finished.  We don’t know the last chapter and I have no idea if it will ever be tied up in a nice bow.  I hate telling stories in the middle when they are still hard.  I like the finished version where it’s OVER and I am DONE and my heart is put back together.  But this weekend I felt God telling me to tell the story now.  Tell it from the darkness.

From the ‘not yet.’  From the wanting and waiting place.  From today.

However, even in the dark, there are many things to claim and celebrate, and God led me to the end of Romans 8 in preparing to share my story.  In these days though, Romans 8 is hard to believe at times.

Paul writes, “ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” -Romans 8:37

I don’t feel much like a conquerer these days.  I feel like a survivor.  I feel like a crying mess.  I feel like a barely making it momma.  I feel like we are getting by.  But a CONQUERER?  Where is the conquering and victory in TODAY??   The tomorrows might have victory stories, but TODAY?

God has simply laid it on my soul that the victory in today is HIM.  HE is the victory.  HE is the conquering of my situation.  No matter how dark it feels and look HE is with me.  He is loving me, fighting for me, and blessing me with his presence.  

HE IS THE TREASURE.  HE IS THE PRIZE.  HE IS THE VICTORY.

Where are you needing a conquering spirit in your life?  Because Jesus says we are MORE than conquerers because He is with us.

Hallelujah and AMEN.

(See full sermon notes below)


The RISK of Love

There is such a great risk in loving.  We all choose to love people in our own ways, wherever God has planted us.  But it is difficult and messy and RISKY.

I love brownies but there is no risk in that.  They always love me back with their chocolatey goodness.  I know what I am getting.  People are not like brownies.

When we love we put ourselves out there and we never know what we will receive.  But TRUE love is loving and giving all without knowing what will come back.

This week our Ubuntu son Zakhe who has been living with us for the past three months has moved out.  I will not belabor the details out of respect for him, but it did not end well with us, and he was happy to move out of our home.  He made mistakes, we made mistakes, and in the end our family was just too much pressure for him and not the right space.

So if you are counting we have taken in two kids from other communities (Ntokozo and Zakhe) over our four years here and invited them into our homes and families.  Both started great and both ended in a fiery disastrous crash.

I loved Ntokozo deeply and when she left our home in 2011 I was devastated.  Now we have an incredibly deep relationship with her and are ‘family’ for sure even though she doesn’t live with us.  God has completely redeemed that story.  We love her and she loves us.

With Zakhe I am not sure how the story will end.  I know that we love him very much, but he is working through many things and isn’t sure how he feels.  We hope that by moving him into the black township in our area with another coach he will feel less pressure and be able to become a healthy and vibrant part of the Ubuntu community.  The story is still being written right now.

I will say that personally this journey with Zakhe has been exhausting and devastating.  God told me to take in one of the boys in January and Zakhe was placed with us.  I tried not to have hopes in him or our relationship but fell in love with him and it’s not a good relationship at this moment.  I am heartbroken and confused.

However, in my heartbreak haze there are a few things I know.  I know that God loves ME and I know that I love because of the love of Jesus deep in my soul.  We don’t love because it’s deserved or returned.  We just love because we are loved.

So I will continue to risk and continue to love.  I can do that because I am loved by the Greatest Love in the universe.  God’s love defines me and fills every part of my being.

“We love each other because he loved us first.” -1 John 4:19 NLT

Keep risking love.

“Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies … the pain of the leaving can tear us apart.
Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.”  -Henri Nouwen

Our Hearts

This weekend was full of ministry and friends and occasions and people.

I honestly didn’t know how I would make it through.

It included one of my first real ministry obligations since Keller’s diagnosis.  I have been still serving in Ocean View and supporting families, but really slowed down in many of my roles to allow us time to process and adjust to Keller’s new needs.  I was asked last year to be the wedding officiant for a wonderful couple that I taught in my first year at Cornerstone Institute and they mean so much to me.  Weddings are always a privilege and this one was extra special.

But in the back of my mind I kept wondering HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS??

I am not a complete wreck, but my feelings are still so ripe and raw and I had no idea if I was up to such a special and holy occasion.  However, God asked me to be His instrument and so I stepped in.

The day was FULL as I actually first attended the wedding of our great Hillsong friends Thomas and Nande who were married deep in the hills of the winelands, in an area called Tulbagh.  It was a breathtaking setting and the ceremony was full of God’s praise and joy.  Seriously was a special day and I felt lifted being a part of the congregation (it was really a WORSHIP SERVICE and not just a wedding!).

I then rushed to the wedding I was officiating and I count is as such an honor to be such an intimate part of people’s lives.  I get to lead the most important worship service of a couple’s life and see their eyes filled with love and gratitude.  It is beyond beautiful and a privilege to be a part of.  Andrew and Candice said their vows, cried tears of joy, and clutched each other’s hands as they became ONE.  What fun for me.

As I was driving home alone, with the breathtaking scenery of South Africa surrounding me, I couldn’t help but be filled with awe and thankfulness to Jesus.  He is truly alive in my life, and even though the days are fragile, HE IS NOT.  He is God and will always be GOD.  He is looking to fill us and use us, no matter what state our lives may look.

 This is what the Lord says:

“Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool.

“I will bless those who have humble and contrite hearts,
    who tremble at my word.”  

-Isaiah 66:1-2

God is looking to fill people who are open.  People who are humble.  People who are broken.  People who are surrendered.

This weekend was a testimony of HIS GREATNESS and STRENGTH when we give him our open hearts.

What is the state of your heart today?

Could you build me a temple as good as that?
    Could you build me such a resting place?
My hands have made both heaven and earth;
    they and everything in them are mine.
    I, the Lord, have spoken!

NEW

In these very full days I sometimes go to bed feeling completely overwhelmed.

My mind races with the events of the days.  What I did.  What I DIDN’T DO.

This must be a feeling that other parents face, especially parents of kids with special needs.  The possibilities are endless for therapies and interventions and teachings.  I make efforts but at the end of the day I often find there was more that I didn’t do than what I did.

It can be overwhelming and paralyzing.

Some days are full and hectic and crazy and fun.  We laugh and play and have great moments together.  We are the Prince’s and so that is ALWAYS what we do.  Other days are hard and confusing and discouraging.

And so I go to sleep with a racing mind and a full heart.

But then I wake up and the morning is new.  The possibilities are fresh.  The slate is clean.

No matter how heavy I go to bed, I have noticed that somehow I wake up light and hopeful.  This can only be GOD.

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
    His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
    his mercies begin afresh each morning. -Lamentations 3:22-23

I want to encourage you that whatever chapter YOU are writing in your life.  If it’s one of easy or incredibly heavy, to just keep walking forward with God.  Each day holds so much strength and possibility in God.  The future may look uncertain and unknown but just take the NEXT STEP and take it IN HIM.

“When you don’t know what to do next, just do the thing that is in front of you.” -Elizabeth Elliot

Our Team

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” ~Emily Kimbrough

There is a lot of stumbling around here.  Most of it is my fault.  Or really it’s my DAD’s fault.  You see, he is such a klutz.  He drops, he spills, and he breaks.  EVERYTHING.  And then he passed it on to me.  And then I passed it on to Kieren.  Yesterday Kieren came down the hall crying her eyes out and when I asked what was wrong she said she bumped into the wall.  THE WALL.  Walls don’t move, but I wasn’t shocked a bit.  Kieren is constantly falling and breaking things.  The hard part is to not laugh at her while she is grieving her latest bump or bruise.

Emotionally the Prince family seems to be pretty clumsy lately, as well.

We are bumping and bruising and falling and breaking.  Things have been difficult over the past month.

There are many lessons we are learning now that Keller has brought us into the SPECIAL NEEDS community, and one of them is that you can’t do this alone.  We cannot bring Keller to healing and growth and fullness ALONE.  As great and intelligent as we are, we need a team of people to come around us and walk with us through the journey.

We are beginning FINALLY to assemble Keller’s ‘TEAM.’  Kids with autism need a team of therapists and doctors to help walk with them towards communication and social skills.  We have some great people with us and things are starting to look stronger.  But there are still many, MANY stumbles and falls on this path, and I know we need more than just a team of doctors and therapists.

We are meeting with one therapist named Bethany who lives in Scottland and feels that God wants her to come visit us on a MISSION TRIP.  Yep, she wants to do a mission trip to the MISSIONARIES.  It’s insane.  You can learn more about her trip here.  But even as we begin to meet with her and others, so often I feel completely overwhelmed and emotional.  It still seems surreal at times, like I am living someone else’s life.

And just when I need it someone comes and grabs my hand to help me walk the next step.  We need each other and I have never known it more deeply than in these days.  We couldn’t survive without people holding our hands.  Keller needs a strong team, but all of the Prince’s need a team to hold our hands and walk with us.

Thank you to those who are holding our hands both near and far.  We feel it and we will keep holding on as we stumble ahead.

My Territory

At the beginning of the year I was asking God to give me scriptures for the year that would define this next chapter and lead me and our family.  I have begun to cling to God’s word more and more and truly see it as the light for my path.  I felt God telling my spirit that I needed to pray for ‘new territory’ and ask for MORE.

“Oh, that you would bless me and expand my territory! Please be with me in all that I do, and keep me from all trouble and pain!” -1 Chronicles 4:10

So I began praying and believing and LOOKING for the great things God had ahead for us.

And then Keller was diagnosed with autism.

Recently God reminded me of my preayers for new territory.  I KNOW He reminded me of these prayers.  I KNOW He is telling me that this territory of special needs is a gift from Him.  This territory of autism has been given to me by God and this is our new world to receive.

This was NOT the kind of territory I was praying for.

I had to honestly google what the menaing of autism was.  Okay…  I STILL have to google it when I write about it because I STILL don’t fully understand it.  There are a lot of places that I thought were my future territory that God was going to be giving me.  I have a list of options that God evidently decided to ignore.  I did NOT want the territory of special needs.

I contacted one mother in our area who has a child with autism after our diagnosis; to make connections and learn about resources.  She shouted with laughter over the phone, “Welcome to the club!”

I do not want to be in this club.

No one wants to be in the club of special needs.  It’s the club you would never choose and can never leave.  But for me, it’s not just a club but it’s TERRITORY that God has given me.  It’s my place to wrestle in, and where I have to hold onto His promises in faith.  It’s my new WORLD and it’s from within this world that God wants to change me and mold me.  It’s from this WORLD that God wants to share His story.  It’s from this WORLD that God wants to share His glory.

This is my territory.

I may not want this new territory, but it’s been given to me as a gift.  And even though it seems hard and IMPOSSIBLE, it’s not, and God is more than enough for the journey.  It’s MY territory.

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.” -Helen Keller

White People in the Hood

In our ministry days in the States, Casey and I led many… MANY mission trips with both youth and adults.  MANY.

Before we moved here I was leading about 6 mission trips a year.  I LOVED being in other cultures and teaching people how to engage the poor and broken.  And I was slowly accepting that it was time to just move my butt over to Africa.

NOW we are on the OTHER side of mission trips.  Since we LIVE in Ocean View, a previously disadvantaged area, we see people in and out of this community doing various acts of ministry and service.  It feels DIFFERENT being on the other side of missions.

This past month we had a mission team visit our church in Ocean View from Anchorage, Alaska for a two week mission trip.  We weren’t able to participate in many of the activities, but I watched from afar and listened to the responses both from my Ocean View friends and our Alaskan visitors.  The trip was filled with projects and meetings and dinners and singing and LOTS of laughter.  The church from Alaska deeply blessed our Ocean View community and there will be lasting imprints left.

 However, not all missions begin and end with the right heart and vision.  I don’t know much, but just a few thoughts about what it SHOULD look like when you bring WHITE PEOPLE into the HOOD.

Top Five Tips on Bringing WHITE PEOPLE TO THE HOOD

1. The Poor Don’t NEED You To Save Them

When I first moved to Ocean View I was shocked when no one brought out the welcome wagon to greet us.  I mean here we were, the amazing Americans coming to save those in need in Ocean View!!  I can still hear the dramatic music in my head…  And… No one cared that we were there.  We only made them suspicious and confused.  They had only been hurt and oppressed by white people, so if anything, they had less inclination to let me into their world.  In their eyes, they were fine and didn’t need me to save them.  They still don’t need me. They need Jesus.  And actually people ALL OVER THE WORLD, from the richest of rich to the poorest of poor need Jesus.  They don’t need you.  So don’t be shocked when they don’t roll out the red carpet.  Your job is to roll out the red carpet for THEM.

2. Missions must be about RELATIONSHIPS

Often mission teams come in ready with projects and goals and only learn a little bit about the people and history.  I can relate, that is exactly what I use to be focused on as well.  You feel that God has blessed you with so much and you want to share as much as you can while you are on a mission trip.  But again , it’s not about you.  Maybe what the poor need isn’t your projects and your progress but YOU.  Be available, have conversations, ask questions.  People LOVE to talk about themselves all over the world.  Get to know them and even share about your own heart.

3. Ask the locals HOW TO DO IT.

When we come into a new environment as missionaries, we often insist on doing things OUR WAY.  This is how we build it, this is how we see it, this is what projects we want to do, and this is how it will all go.  What if you came into a mission environment and asked the people there FIRST what to do?  What do they want to see accomplished?  What are their dreams?  How do they usually fix problems?  How would they like you to handle a situation?  Not only will you engage the locals but you will also learn something new!  What works in America might not work all over the world!

4. CELEBRATE the relationships

Many mission trips have a celebration night at the end where praise is given to the volunteers and all the work they accomplished.  Often those serving stand up and share about how ‘difficult’ various parts of the trip were and how hard they worked.  What if you instead celebrated the people THERE?  For the Ocean View community, this last group of people came into their homes and shared two weeks of working and learning together.  To build relationships is hard, and when it happens it should be shared.  What if you celebrated the relationships made, how the people there served you, and what you learned about them.  Celebrate the people not the projects.  Celebrate THEM not you.

5.  Change your language.  Make your trip less of a ‘mission’ and more of a ‘pilgramage’

A pilgramage is “a journey, especially a long one, made to some sacred place as an act of religious devotion.”  What if your trip was about journeying alongside the people you were serving?  Learning about their home, their lives, their hearts.  Just learning from them not giving to them.  What if you went looking for what God was already doing there rather than what you were going to do yourselves?  God is alive there and if you look for Him, He will blow you away.

So yeah, keep bringing the white people into the hood.  But make it NOT about the white people and ALL about the hood.  We all have so much to learn from one another.

Colour: Love is on the Way

 

Relax, everything’s going to be all right; rest, everything’s coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!” – Jude 1:2 (MSG)

COLOUR Twenty-14 was something. I’d been preparing for months in advance as we took ninety women from the township community of Ocean View.  I serve there as a pastor and community developer and have been privileged to build a relationship with Hillsong Church, who supports our ministries and enables us to do new things. This was the fourth COLOUR that we attended as a community and there was more expectation than ever before.  Our women were ready!

At the same time, I’ve been caught up in a storm in my personal life and, daily, I’ve just been trying to keep my head above the waves…

See more at: http://hillsong.co.za/colour-love-is-on-the-way/#sthash.Ed1LMzDV.zifJngL3.dpuf