Heroes Meeting Heroes

Still reflecting on the beauty and goodness of God this weekend at the Hillsong Colour Conference.

One special part of the weekend is a Pastor’s Network Tea that they host for the pastors and key leaders who bring groups to the Colour Conference.  This is such a special event that I have been privileged to attend since the conference started here in Cape Town four years ago.  This tea is now HUGE and was held at a beautiful hotel this year.  I decided to bring my ‘posse’ (HA!) and so brought our youth pastor and my soul sister, Chevonne Lawrence.

We drank tea, had lovely food, and heard from some key leaders and speakers.  It was encouraging, special, and just gorgeous.  What an honor to be a part of such an event and hear from the heart of Bobbie Houston and those who are running the Colour Conference.

Afterwards Chevonne and I stayed around to chat with some people, and as many left, we found ourselves talking right next to some of the key speakers and leaders in the conference.  You know that I am not shy, so I asked for some pictures.

Here Chevonne and I are with Bobbie Houston and Holly Wagner

Then as we were leaving I asked another speaker, Lisa Bevere, if she would take a picture with Chevonne.  Of course she graciously obliged, just another photo with another beautiful girl attending the conference.

But it was a moment in time for Chevonne, as Lisa is one of her all-time heroes in the faith.  Lisa’s books and messages online have profoundly impacted Chevonne’s faith and she was elated to meet this great woman of the faith.

It was so fascinating for me to watch, because as we met these women, I early introduced Chevonne to them said how SHE was a hero of my faith.  Here was Chevonne, star-struck over these famous Christian women, but truly, Chevonne who causes me to be in awe.

Chevonne is an everyday woman, who is living her life with obedience to God when it is very difficult.  She is holding promises God has made to her deep in her heart even though she can’t see how they will ever come to fruition.  She is an incredible REAL-LIFE example to so many young women in Ocean View, showing them how to truly live out their faith in Jesus.

You see, even though Chevonne was meeting her heroes, Chevonne is MY hero.  She lives with great beauty and grace every day of her life.  No one sees her, but I do.  She is beautiful and she is a hero.

Heroes meeting heroes.  I am thankful for the great women of the Christian faith all they have taught me, but I am thankful that my real everyday life is filled with Chevonne and other Ocean View heroes, because they inspire me and show me how to live true faith

Ocean View at COLOUR!

Hello friends!  Just wanted to share an update from the Hillsong Colour Conference!  The Ocean View community took 90 women (and some sweet kiddos) with us to the Colour Conference this year and joined almost 7,000 people worshipping Jesus.  It’s a short conference all packed into just over 24 hours but it was insanely rich and beautiful.

How do I put into words what happened over these 24 hours?  I cannot.  I hope to share more stories from women themselves from Ocean View who experienced a new revelation from God.  I felt Him so personally in my own heart and feel set free with new vision and life.  We laughed, we cried, we danced, we sang, and we WORSHIPPED.

We WORSHIPPED.  I think that is the way I would sum up all that happened.  In the midst of all the presentations and lights and preaching and fanfare of a conference such as this, something happens unexpectedly and you just come to Jesus in a new way.  You let go, you give up, you come just as you are.

In addition to some incredible worship, the Ocean View ladies just enjoyed being together.  And I feel so deeply privileged to shepherd and love them.  These women are extraordinary and they are my heroes.  Doing life with them is such a gift.

And still to come will be the sharing of how the seeds planted in this weekend will still bloom.  God has begun so many beautiful things in the hearts of these ladies and I can’t wait to walk it out in life with them.  Jesus may you give us the strength to be all you have created us to be!

Why Be Aware of Autism?

Today, April 2, is “World Autism Awareness Day”

It’s our FIRST autism day.

In 2007 the UN adopted this date to bring awareness to the disorder of autism.

“This UN resolution declares WAAD as one of only four official health-specific United Nations Days and will bring the world’s attention to autism, a pervasive disorder that affects tens of millions. The World Autism Awareness Day resolution encourages all Member States to take measures to raise awareness about autism throughout society and to encourage early diagnosis and early intervention. It further expresses deep concern at the prevalence and high rate of autism in children in all regions of the world and the consequent developmental challenges.”

So today the world stops and recognizes this disorder and the Prince family DEFINITELY recognizes it.  We can’t do anything else.

So why does KELLER want you to be aware of autism?  Well let him tell you himself.

“Be Aware of Autism, From the Heart of Keller Prince, 21 Months Old”

1. Be aware of autism but know that Autism is not who I am, it’s just a way to help you understand me.  I am not my diagnosis, I have a diagnosis.  I am not an autistic child, but I am a child with autism.  It just means that I learn and see the world differently.  It’s not a reason to look down on me, but a reason to stop and try to see the world through my eyes.  Maybe you will learn something new.

2. Be aware of autism because kids with autism feel the world differently.  To you it may be a normal day, or a normal mall, or a normal gathering, but to me it’s overwhelming and hostile.  That doesn’t mean that my meltdown is because I am a bad kid, it means I am overwhelmed and don’t know how to express myself.  Give me grace and I promise you will also see the happy, fun loving, bright-eyed side of me too.

3. Be aware of autism because it’s changed my world, but more be aware of autism because it’s changed SO MANY OTHERS’ WORLDS.  In Ocean View, if you have autism it can be almost impossible to get even a diagnosis or treatment.  Because I have so many people who love and support me I will get the best care possible and will flourish.  Everyone isn’t so lucky.  Be aware and lend a hand so OTHERS can have the therapies and doctors that I will have so easily.  Every person with autism deserves the best care.

4. Be aware of autism because it makes me special.  Autism doesn’t make me less, but it makes me different.  That is okay.  It’s okay to be different, it’s okay to be vulnerable, it’s okay to need help, and it’s okay to take a different road.  I didn’t choose this road of autism, but it’s going to make me the most incredible Keller Prince in the world.  And that is more than okay; it’s great.

Thanks for BEING AWARE OF AUTISM with us!

Little Things

When your life is suddenly turned upside down with a diagnosis of special needs, you need to learn to appreciate the little things.

Some days my heart and head seem to be completely swept away with the heaviness of what life may or may not look like.  We are kind of in a holding pattern as we begin different therapies and try to figure out what is going to work best for Keller.  We are having many initial and assessment meetings.  I am tired of the assessing.  I am ready for action.

So while we wait I am desperately trying to hold on to some kind of normal life.  Trying to make normal life.  Trying to take hold of the normal life that is always happening but slips by when you only look at the big and overwhelming things.

So as we wait, as we process, as we accept, we are LIVING.  We take walks, we go to the beach, we make great dinners, we laugh, we have dance parties, we have friends around, we hug and wrestle and play a LOT.

Much of life happens in the little moments, those that often go unnoticed.

“Don’t despise the little steps you know you can take every day. There are tiny miracles in each and every one of them.” 
― Israelmore Ayivor

I am reminded of how beautiful the little things are.  The Prince family might be weary but we are strong in spirit.  And the laughter and hugs AND WRESTLING MATCHES are slowly healing our broken hearts.  Thankful for the little moments of beauty in this world.

Your Story

Since sharing my story about Keller and his recent autism diagnosis, I have been overwhelmed by so many of YOUR STORIES.  As I have shared my story, you have shared yours.  And I have been deeply inspired and moved.

I have heard stories of your struggles.  Of unfulfilled dreams in motherhood and beyond.  In the agony of my shared story you have lifted me with your own tales of courage and overcoming.

I have some really incredible people around me.

What strikes me is that so many of you have incredible stories of bravery and overcoming, and they have never been shared.  You have told me about your heart and life but not shared it with the world.  And I think the world is missing out.  I think YOU are missing out by not telling your story.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

— Maya Angelou

We keep our stories to ourselves for many reasons.  We don’t want to burden the world, we don’t want attention from the the world, we don’t want the world to know our private lives.  All of these are fine reasons. I just think that in telling our stories, in sharing our testimonies, we get to see the glory of God walking with us in the midst of our hardship.  We get to recognize that even in our darkest hours we were never alone.  We see that though we thought we could never make it, we DID MAKE IT, and we became stronger in the trials.  We realize the beauty in heartache and that what blooms after the rain is glorious.

Are you sharing YOUR story?  What is untold in your life and heart and life that needs to be told?  Tell it for others.  Tell it so others know they aren’t alone.  But most of all, tell it for you.  TELLING your story and opening your heart brings FREEDOM.  It brings healing.  It brings hope.

It’s time for your story.  Keep telling it.  Personally, I have been humbled and amazed and strengthen by your stories.  Thank you.

What it's like

This is a piece of writing that has been shared with me since Keller’s autism diagnosis and it really rings true to my hopeful and brokenhearted little spirit.  I know that WHEREVER our journey with Keller takes us, it’s going to be the BEST place.

---

 

Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.

Love Beyond What I Deserve

“Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life,mand I will dwell in  the house of the Lord as long as I live.” -Psalm 23:6

In this journey of Keller’s autism diagnosis we have received heaps and heaps of love and support from Africa and the United States.  It has been humbling and overwhelming.  People have poured out their love for Keller and our family.  We have been loved far beyond what we deserve.

It’s hard to accept people’s love sometimes.  I like to be the one serving and loving and giving.  To be on the receiving end of love is just plain tough.  It makes me feel vulnerable and needy.  I am still learning how to ask for help and I know I will get better at this.

But the earthly love that has been poured out to us has only been a reflection of what God has shown us.  God doesn’t send e-cards or bring you dinner, but his love is showered upon our lives… if we only will open ourselves up to it.

Even though I wish God would come to me in these days like a storm, He always shows up in a whisper and I have to lean in to hear His words to me.  But His love is perfect and He is the definition of love.  As much as I want to believe that the earthly love I am experiencing will last forever, it won’t, and His love is never-ending.  He will always be pursuing me with His love.

Psalm 23 has been on my heart during these days of Keller’s diagnosis.  And God’s love has been very real to me, as in other times of crisis in my life.  Psalm 26 tells us these two things about God’s love:

1. God’s goodness comes from His nature, not our worthiness.

2. God’s love comes from His character, not our virtue.

 God is being Himself, being all GOD when he loves us and lavishes it upon us.  It is more than we deserve and meets us exactly where we are.  For me, this diagnosis and facing grief and loss of dreams has been difficult, but much of it is that is has revealed parts of my heart that I didn’t know that were there.  My own selfish dreams.  My desires to be normal and accepted.  It’s fine if ‘other’ families have special needs but that won’t happen to our family.  The list goes on as I have thrown many temper-tantrums before God about this situation and how IT’S NOT FAIR.

But even when we are unlovable, even when the darkest parts of our hearts are exposed, God still moves towards us with his LOVE.  He doesn’t sigh and wait for us to get it together.

He RUNS to us.

“And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.” -Luke 15:20 NLT

I have felt this from God in this newest trial in our lives.  As the gross parts of my heart have been exposed and as grief and worry have washed over me like waves, I have felt God close to me.  And after the confession and sorrow then I have begun to hear Him with me.  More, I have sensed Him with me.  Holding me and holding these things together.

People have remarked about how ‘strong’ our faith has been in this trial.  I have never felt further from strong, but there is no where else to run but to God.  Without God’s strength and love I could not make it through this.  There is no time to be mad at Him because I am desperate for Him.

And HE comes for me.  Thank you Jesus.

Different

Kids with autism are different.

They act differently, they see the world differently, and experience life differently.

From now on, Keller will have the label ‘autistic’ and will be different.

I love Temple Grandin (noted doctor, professor, author, and autism activist) who says that autistic men and women are “different but not less.”

I like that.

I’m not sure if the world agrees with it.

In our world it’s not good to be different.  I learned this early on.  I don’t know how it happened but around 6th grade I started copying and mimicking anyone.  My poor, poor best friend Laura Riley received the most imitation.  It was not flattery in her eyes.  I had very few friends and spent every day desperately trying to be like everyone around me.  My clothes were never good enough, my body didn’t look like theirs, I wasn’t as successful at sports or school like them, it was exhausting.  I even literally tried to mimic the ‘cool girls’ handwriting.  I do have good handwriting these days.  But none of these exploits ended in friendship.  I was lonely and not cool.

Austic children don’t know how to mimic and copy.  It’s actually a natural part of our development, that as children we mimic our parents and those around us to learn language and social skills.  Thus why Kieren is a ‘mini me’ (for better or worse).  However, since Keller has autism, he doesn’t know how to mimic and copy and so hasn’t learned language, communication, and social skills.  We will have to TEACH him these things.  It will be a painful and arduous process.  He WILL learn, but social skills may never be like his peers.

He will likely always be DIFFERENT.

This is a painful reality as a parent.  I had already been processing this for months as we began to realize some of Keller’s unique personality quirks.  He is an introvert and doesn’t like a lot of people around.  He loves dirt and sand and enjoys covering everything in it.  He doesn’t want to hug or cuddle most of the time.  We thought these were just quirky parts of Keller.  But autism is a whole new world of different.  A painful different.  A special needs and disability different.

I love Keller’s quirks, but I don’t want him to be pushed out or ostracized because he is different.  I don’t want him to be talked about behind his back or made fun of.  I want him to be accepted and loved.  I want him to be the most popular kid in the history of the world.

Okay.  Maybe my dreams are a TINY BIT shallow.

We hate for our kids to struggle and we just want them to be loved.  But maybe struggle is a part of the journey. Maybe being different and knowing from the beginning that he isn’t like the rest of the world is a positive thing.  I have spent so many years of my life trying to mimic others and fit in.  It was exhausting, fruitless, and never worked!  Now I live in a colored community where I am the weird white lady who is different from EVERYONE… and I love it.

I have learned that it is FREEING to be different.  It’s fun to just be you.  It brings peace to be who you were created to be.  Keller was created to be a unique and special boy.  He is definitely different but CERTAINLY not less.  He is more.  He is joy.  He is special.  He is OUR Keller.

I have a feeling that this is one of a MILLION lessons I will learn in walking through autism with Keller.  Being different is okay.  Being different maybe is even… good.  Being different can even be more.

I Have Something to Tell You

Telling people about Keller’s diagnosis of autism has been an interesting and foundational part of our new journey.  People obviously will want to process a diagnosis like this differently.  Some might want to keep it private, others want to share it with people they care about.

My tactic is to basically have verbal diaherrah and tell EVERY PERSON I SEE.

It’s seriously been insane.  I don’t know, but there is NOTHING else on my mind since Keller’s diagnosis and I can’t think of anything else.  Nothing else matters.

“How are you?” someone asks.  “Fine, but Keller has autism…”  “I’m hungry but Keller has autism…”  “Feeling sleepy but Keller has autism…”

It is the filter through which everything comes through.

We have been completely overwhelmed by the love poured out towards us.  People are praying for us and cheering us on.  It fills our every moment and my head spins with it all the time.  We are so thankful for those who are entering into it with us.

It has been surreal to tell my friends, my close community, here in South Africa.  I almost feel like there is a terminal illness in the family, as it shocks people and brings tears to the eyes.

What has touched me most as we have shared this news, is the simplicity and profound connection that can be given in love.  I have felt most loved when people have just listened.  When people have just been present.  When they have kept eye contact and just felt the moment.  People want to ‘cheer’ us on and I treasure that, but I haven’t felt like being cheered on.  I feel like we are hopelessly human and feeble and God is going to have to carry us every step of the way on this journey.  I am not perfect for this path, GOD IS PERFECT.  But not all have cheered us on.  Many have just grieved.  They have just been present.  They have just felt with us.

And then people have just been the hands and feet.  They have brought us food.  They have babysat.  They have come to see Keller and connect with him.  They have prayed for us in the middle of public places.  People have just done.  I honestly have felt similarly to what I felt when Kieren had her severe skin burn in 2010.  At first I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t get dressed, the most basic of functions were inconceivable.  Our friends have just come around us and helped us to live.

Friends, if someone you know or love tells you news similar to ours, I want to encourage you to just be with them.  Just be present.  Just cry.  Say ‘it’s not fair.’  Stomp your feet together.  And then help them to carry on.  Bring food.  Force them to go on dates.  Keep showing up and giving hugs and kisses.  Pray in public.  Just be with them.

Thank you, to those who have been on the other end of “I have something to tell you…” in the past two weeks. You have loved us well.  We pray you will keep loving us well.  We will need it.

Wonderfully Complex

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.” 

-Psalm 139:13-16 NLT

The first person I contacted when we got Keller’s diagnosis of autism, after crying and blabbering with Casey for a while, was my sister.  My sister lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, and I am in Cape Town, South Africa but living across an ocean has somehow made us closer and stronger.  She is my favorite person in the world outside of the crazy three that live in my house.

I texted her.  Blabbered.  Sobbed.  You know how ‘real’ it makes something when you tell other people?  Was feeling that.  And she responded with sadness and shock and love.  And then later she sent me a piece of Psalm 139.  She said her spirit was telling her to share that Keller was ‘perfectly and wonderfully made.’

In the New Living Translation (above), the passage says that each person is ‘wonderfully complex.’  The Prince family is hilariously and glaringly complex; that is obvious.  But now my soul has to wrestle with Keller being wonderfully complex, including his autistic brain.  He is perfectly made, including a brain that isn’t properly developed and keeps him from making social connections and communicating.  He was brought into OUR family by the way.  Our family’s life mission is to communicate and socially connect with people.  And now our perfect little boy was somehow woven together BY GOD inside me… but he does not have the parts of his brain that teach him how to do… what we DO.

It’s a painful place to wrestle, and I know I am not the first.  God, why would you allow Keller to be developed so wonderfully and yet his brain doesn’t process the same way we do?  How could he not be able to hold eye contact, be hugged, be a friend?  These are things that are very possible, but we will have to TEACH Keller how to be social.  We have no idea what the future holds and what kind of kid Keller will be.  He might be the most outgoing kid ever or grow up to have only one friend.

At least I will always be his friend.

There are no responses to my questions shot up to God.  Just his promise that even though Keller doesn’t SEEM to be perfect and wonderful in this moment, he IS.  God has made Keller and allowed autism to be a part of his story.  I might never know why, but I can be sure God thinks Keller is wonderful.

So now we wrestle with Keller’s wonderfully complex brain and ask God to expand our version of perfection.  I have a feeling I am going to like God’s version of wonderful more than the one I have always held…