Why I Say it Out Loud

September 2, 2014

I sometimes realize that not everyone does the journey like we do it.

The journey of missions, the journey of family, the journey of special needs.

Not everyone finds the need to SAY EVERYTHING that they are feeling about the journey and publish it on the internet for the world to read.  Not EVERYONE does this I recently realized.

For me, I have this need, this push from within to write and share the places and steps of our journey, and I don’t even know why. However, I read from God’s word recently and realized why I say it out loud

“For the Lord is God,
    and he created the heavens and earth
    and put everything in place.
He made the world to be lived in,
    not to be a place of empty chaos.
“I am the Lord,” he says,
    “and there is no other.
I publicly proclaim bold promises.
    I do not whisper obscurities in some dark corner.
I would not have told the people of Israel to seek me
    if I could not be found.
I, the Lord, speak only what is true
    and declare only what is right.”

-Isaiah 45:18-19

I tell about our life OUT LOUD because I believe this scripture to be true.  I believe that God is GOD and we can publicly proclaim His promises without fear that He won’t hear us.  God says He can ALWAYS be found.  God says our earth is not a place of empty chaos.  This is HIS WORLD and we are HIS CHILDREN.  He puts everything into place INCLUDING MY LIFE.

Recently I realized that I was having a down day and my heart was hurting.  I was scared to say what I was feeling out loud.  Scared to let my heart show.  Scared to say what I DESPERATELY needed God to do and what God had told me He would do.

But then I read Isaiah 45 and realized I was in good company.  God’s people have always been in the gap between the promises and the promise WAITING ON THE PROMISER.  And they too were scared to say what they needed God to do.  But God responded to them.

God always responds.  He is never going to let us just drift into chaos and nothingness.  He is truly HOLDING ALL THINGS TOGETHER (Colossians 1:17).

EVEN THIS.

So what do YOU need to be saying out loud?  What has God promised that you are still waiting for Him to fulfill?  Where are you terrified that He might not show up?  Where are you desperate for God?  We say these things out loud to reach for God together and so we allow Him to get ALL the glory when He does show up.  And He will.

So SAY IT OUT LOUD.

The WORST Missionaries

August 28, 2014

In my recent trip to the United States it became glaringly clear that the Prince family are LITERALLY the WORST MISSIONARIES in the world.  We are starting a list to document it because it is just comical.

We take simple tasks and make them difficult.  We are embarrassingly complicated and disastrous.  We are late, disorganized, and clumsily stumble into every situation on our path.

FOR EXAMPLE.  In July Kieren and I went to the USA to speak at two weeks of a youth camp and we almost DIDN’T MAKE IT THERE because we never thought to CHECK THE EXPIRATION OF KIEREN’S PASSPORT.  We showed up at the airport like a group of dopes and couldn’t board the plane because of her.  Sweet faced little Kieren just sat there innocently and completely oblivious as we discussed her fate.  Luckily the American Embassy in South Africa was super gracious to us the next day and quickly made us an emergency passport for us and MANY MANY dollars later we had new plane tickets and were on our way.  MANY DOLLARS and MANY TEARS later.  WHY??  Normal people would have checked her passport for the date of its expiration.  Normal MISSIONARIES (who often *travel*) would have checked her passport for the date of its expiration.  BUT NO.  WE are the WORST MISSIONARIES possible and so we didn’t check and almost didn’t make it out of Africa…

We made it to camp but that story is a perfect illustration for our entire lives as missionaries.  We get by, but it’s clumsy and disorganized and a bit disastrous.  it’s by the skin of our teeth.  EVERY TIME.

We are seriously the WORRSSTT…

We sing it all the time to ourselves like this:

I didn’t know missionaries growing up so I had no idea what this life would look like, but I definitely didn’t think it would be this… ummm… chaotic??

We are seriously the most incompetent missionaries to walk into South Africa and this is a humbling truth that God reminds us of daily.  I honestly have NO IDEA how we make this life work, and some days it is miraculous that we get out of the house at all.  However, we are here not for our own glory but for the GLORY OF GOD and so we live through Him completely.

“God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important.  As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.” -1 Corinthians 1:28-29

Somehow in the midst of our inadequacy God continues to show up because we SHOW UP and He uses us.  He uses us, He blesses us, He speaks through us, and He does a work IN us.  It’s crazy and I only believe it because I am living it.

God uses us ALL for His glory, even the WORST of us.  Maybe that is partly the point.  He uses the bottom of the barrel to prove to the world that the miracles we see have NOTHING to do with us and EVERYTHING to do with Him.

Fake Laughs

August 26, 2014

Keller and Kieren are loving their life.  And I know this because of the sounds they are making throughout the day.  They are both filled with LAUGHTER.

I am noticing it recently because as Keller begins to learn words and communicate with us, he often says a word and then laughs afterwards at himself.  Okay, it’s a FAKE LAUGH, but a laugh nonetheless.  I think this is incredibly perfect and awesome.

Keller has learned in our family that one of our values is LAUGHTER and we also value MAKING EACH OTHER LAUGH.

So he is already striving in his little brain, AS HE LEARNS TO COMMUNICATE through great difficulty, that one of his goals in communication is to make people laugh.

How great is THAT??

So lately Kieren and Keller are LAUGHING all the time and trying to make each other laugh.

They love being together and playing together.  And they LOVE TO LAUGH.  Kieren is constantly attempting to make her brother laugh by tickling, saying funny things, and playing with him.  What I am noticing lately is that Keller is laughing ALL THE TIME.  FOR NO REASON.

I call it ‘fake laughing.’

He frequently is walking around the house babbling to himself and then laughing. He looks at you and says something and laughs.  And Keller constantly is laughing at things he is watching or in reaction to another person.  This boy LOVES TO LAUGH and he LOVES TO FAKE LAUGH.

Evidently laughing is a highly regarded emotional response in this home.

My hearts bursts that my home is filled with laughter.  From early in the morning until the kids go to bed this home is brimming over with laughs and giggles.  To me laughter is one of the greatest gifts in this life and I love that my little people are valuing it already.  Even if it’s forced and fake, I’ll take this laughter any day.

These sweet kiddos remind me how healing laughter can be.  How laughter can change a mood, change the day, change the room and change a heart.  It is a rule in the Prince home that we must laugh every day… a LOT.

thank you Jesus for LAUGHTER.

“What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.”  ~Yiddish Proverb

Please Don't Tell Me That "He is Fine"

August 20, 2014

There are a list of things that people say about Keller when they hear that he has autism, or when they watch him and try to reason how it’s not that bad.  One of the worst is: “He is fine.”

People want to tell me that Keller is fine for a number of reasons.  Possibly they don’t understand what autism is so they don’t know that the ‘cute’ things he is doing are really markers of special needs.  Possibly people are trying to make me feel better and want me to know it’s not ‘that bad.’  Possibly they are uncomfortable with special needs and so they want to make themselves feel better about Keller’s situation.

I want you to know that it is not helpful for a parent of a child with special needs to be told “HE IS FINE.”

Keller is NOT FINE.

Keller has autism.  Keller’s language milestones are ONE YEAR behind where they should be.  Keller cannot go to the grocery store without melting down.  Keller will not sit at the dinner table to eat a family meal.  Keller can’t sit in our church for an entire service.  Keller is not fine.

And that is OKAY.

Everything doesn’t always have to be fine and okay.  Sometimes things are hard.

When you tell me that Keller is fine, instead of making me feel better, I feel like you are trying to minimize the issues we are facing, and thus I feel alone.  I want people to enter to battle with me.  To celebrate the milestones and to cry when it feels too tough to handle.

Today one of our favorite Ocean View families sat at our house for thirty minutes watching Keller eat a cup of yogurt on his own and then counted and chatted about the letters of the alphabet.  They were amazed and cheered on every little step.  This makes my heart deeply happy.  My son is 26 months old and so should be using sentences now and running around eating everything in sight and he is not.  But what he is doing is being celebrated and as he grows I love when people come into the journey.

For all those of us who are going through a time that ‘is not fine,’ what we need is for you to enter our ‘not fine.‘  We don’t need you to minimize our ‘not fine’ or even to blow out of proportion our ‘not fine.’  One thing is very ‘not fine’ but the rest of life is probably pretty good.  So we can talk about the ‘not fine’ or the other things that are super fine.  But the ‘not fine’ is NOT fine.  Make sense?

So now four months into Keller’s autism diagnosis, there are so many things that are fine, good, and even great.  Kieren is excelling, I am loving ministry, Ubuntu Football is building a house, and our family is loving life.  Keller is not fine and I sometimes want to talk about that but sometimes I don’t.  I am thankful for those that enter our ‘not fine’ and have helped to make the rest of the world super amazing and wonderful.  At the end of the day in the super great and the ‘not fine’, we most want to be KNOWN and LOVED right where we are.  Thanks for those of you who do that so well.

Free

August 18, 2014

“Genie, you’re free.” -Aladdin

This quote is from one of my favorite movies of all time, Aladdin.  It has been quoted often in the past week as the world has mourned the loss of beloved comic and actor Robin Williams.  All over the news and social media have been the pictures and movies of this incredible person with such an epic talent who ultimately took his own life.  Just tragic.

With this sudden death mental health has been brought to the forefront of social media.  I am so thankful for this.  It is something that must be talked about.  In my high school days I had some dark seasons of depression.  But no one ever knew.  On the outside I was a happy and bubbly cheerleader with lots of friends and a great life.  On the inside I was insecure, unsure, hurting and broken.  And that was even after I had found Jesus Christ.  I felt like the darkness would come over me like a heavy blanket and had days where I thought it would be better if I just didn’t wake up.  Better if I just let the car run off the road into the dark.

I don’t have thoughts like those anymore but I do have dark days sometimes.  I do have down days.  I do feel that blanket creeping up my legs some days.  Jesus meets me in these moments.  His voice speaks to me like a loving Father out of His Word and deep in my heart.  I have learned how to shake off the feelings and put myself in situations that will help me to throw off the blanket.

During my time in the United States I met up with some close friends who recently lost a brother and son to suicide.  We spoke openly and deeply about it.  We wept.  We sighed.  We sat in the sadness; in the deep darkness that was created because this person we loved chose to end his life.  And yet we are still here and there is still life to be lived.

The message being shared by this family who recently lost their beloved family member is to “BE FREE.”  They are spreading this message because a person who is struggling with mental illness and other issues such as addiction just desires to be free of their pain and they think the only way to find freedom is in death.  But there is life in Jesus and there is always a way out of death.

At my friend’s funeral they gave out these small beaded blue bracelets.  I wear them daily to remind me of my friend and all others who struggle with mental illness and addiction.  I am reminded that we ALL long to be FREE.

 “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36

I want to say that if you feel dark you are not alone.  If you feel pain there is still hope.  In this world we will only find true freedom in JESUS CHRIST.  He is real and He will meet you in the darkness.  And HE will set you free.

image via

Hooray

August 13, 2014

Hooray for these days.

Since Keller is involved in therapy for most of his days and is always being pushed forward, he is very accustomed to people clapping and cheering for him.  So he cheers for himself very often too.  It’s pretty awesome.

Hooray for Keller.

Hooray for therapies.  Hooray for THERAPISTS.  Hooray for friends who come into our house daily and love on Keller.  Hooray for information and advances and organizations and lots and lots of information about autism.  Hooray for Keller working so hard every day to grow and learn.  Hooray.

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Hooray for Kieren

Hooray for her little voice and her sweet little face.  Hooray for her overbite that is cute… for now.  Hooray for how much she loves friends and EVERY person that enters into our home.  Hooray for how smart her little brain is and how she is loving reading and math.  Hooray for all of Kieren’s little hugs.  Hooray.

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Hooray for SUNNY DAYS.

Ya’ll it’s WINTER here in South Africa and our winters are pretty fierce.  They keep saying it’s the ‘worst winter in ages’ but I don’t care.  It can be the best or the worst winter, I just think winter is mean.  Like the mean lady at the grocery store yelling at the clerks.  Winter has had some mean days and what did we ever do to winter to make it so mad?  But someone made winter happy because this week we have had SUNNY DAYS.  HOORAY FOR SUNNY DAYS.  Hooray for playing with dump trucks in the front yard.  Hooray for playgrounds.  Hooray for NOT wearing rain boots.  Hooray for sunshine.

Hooray.

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Hooray for LIFE.  Hooray for friendship.  Hooray for time with family and date nights with Casey.  Hooray for Jesus weaving himself into our world and holding ALL things together.

Hooray.

Homes and Hearts

august 7, 2014

Back to reality here in South Africa and finally ready to reflect on my two homes and all the hearts included.

Three weeks in America, three cities, two churches, two camps, ten sermons, hundreds of high school students, a bunch of beloved church folks, the most supportive friends, and my super loving family.

It was FULL and it was RICH.

Little sweet Kieren soaked up so much great time with her cousin Kylie and all my family and friends.  She was loved, spoiled, and treated like royalty.  I didn’t mind one bit.

The purpose of the trip was ministry at camps and meeting with churches, but the gift of the trip was time in the sunshine and lots of love.

 I was able to pour out in ministry and preach God’s word but we were both refreshed and renewed in the summer sunshine.

There were so many words shared and said.  So many people I was able to spend time with.  We were loved and we loved.

This life continues to be a mystery to me.  I have no idea how to hold it all in my heart.  How to hold two homes and to love all these people well.  God has given us such an incredible community of ‘SENDERS.’  Those who have sent us to South Africa to the mission field and who continue to make it possible for us to minster.  It’s way beyond financial provision, even though that makes it all work on the ground, but our community in the USA cheers us on and prays through every high and low with us.  And then back here in Africa we had an army of people loving on Casey and Keller.  They did incredible with us away and Keller even pushed forward in his milestones.  We are never alone and we always have someone to celebrate with.

Thank you, those of you at BOTH our homes for the ways you hold our hearts.  We are so blessed to be on this journey with you.

Image via fineartamerica.com

Creating a HOME

What a GREAT season at Ubuntu Football!  We are in the midst of remodeling a home we have been able to purchase to have an academy house for some of our boys!  About ten of the Ubuntu boys live too far away from our area to come in each morning for a full day of school and training and need to live in our area.  They have all been living with host families but we have dreamed for a long time of having a home where they could live together and be mentored deeper.  Our dream is slowly becoming a reality!!

This house needs a LOT of work, and there a couple other structures on the property that also need a great deal of work, but the construction is underway and every week we are seeing big changes!

There is even some open land on our property to DREAM AHEAD of all that could be built there in the future.  We have exciting dreams and know that our God will do even MORE than we could hope or imagine.

Join us in praying over this construction and all God wants to do in the Ubuntu Academy home.  For more pictures and descriptions on the construction see Eric and Melissa Hall’s blog (the future HOUSE PARENTS) at: http://halls4hope.com/this-old-house/.

The Surprises

“Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let’s not be afraid to receive each day’s surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity.” -Henri Nouwen

These days have held many surprises.  But they were not the surprises I would have expected.  I guess that is the definition of a surprise.  Yep, thanks.

I would have thought that these months would be filled with just therapies and reading and learning and connecting ALL ABOUT AUTISM.  My mind is constantly filled with autism and I want to attack it each day.  So each morning I hope that the day will be filled with therapies and autism details.  And then each day is not.

I continue to be surprised by this new world of autism… because often it’s not much about autism.  I am surprised that instead of allowing me to wallow in autism-land and focus solely on Keller, God is calling us out into his world to love and heal others.  I am surprised that God doesn’t want  me to spend every waking moment obsessing over Keller but he wants us to look out and reach out.  It is surprising.  And it is hard.

Something that I continue to hear from God is Him saying “Take care of my people, and I will take care of YOU.”  Hard.  Because I want to lock the doors, throw away the key and spend every waking moment with my sweet family.  I don’t want to do ministry, I don’t want to preach, I don’t want to lead, I don’t want to reach out.  But I desperately want Jesus.  And so Jesus says go and love and that He will love me.

So I am pushing myself to be OPEN TO THE SURPRISES OF LIFE.  To be open to the people in my life.  To be open to others.  Others’ needs, others’ wants, others’ lives.  To be open to the SURPRISE that as I take care of others, God will take care of me.

God is ALWAYS SURPRISING us, but never how we expect.  How is He surprising you?

Peaks and Valleys

Casey has recently taken up hiking as a hobby.  Hiking is very popular here in Cape Town as there are endless mountains and trails.  Last week he took Kieren and her little buddy Dunte on another long hike to visit a waterfall.  They had a grand adventure.

I took a nap.  It was also grand.

I have been thinking a lot about the peaks and valleys of life.

There are so many highs and lows that come with every single day.  We expect and look for the highs and we are shocked and discouraged at the lows.  But both should be expected.  Both are NEEDED.

Now being a special needs family has really highlighted the peaks and valleys in our life.  We are on a journey of early intervention for Keller’s autism and there are MANY highs and lows.  Both are to be expected and even both are NEEDED.  But the lows hurt pretty bad.

We are seeing progress in Keller in certain areas of his life through therapy.  He is learning new words all the time and LOVES celebrating with us for every new word.  His new favorite word is ‘bulldozer’ which he says ‘fur-oh-duh.’  He is so proud.  I AM SO PROUD.  But we are also seeing Keller really struggle with some other parts of his life, and sometimes his struggling is INTENSE.  Recently bath time has become ‘oh so you are trying to murder  me?’ time in Keller’s head.  HE HATES BATH.  HE SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS FROM THE MOMENT YOU SAY ‘BATH.’  It’s pretty painful for me; so much so, that I recently came to the conclusion that children do not ever needs baths and we will now skip them forever.

They are cute and will still be loved when they are smelly.

Our therapist didn’t agree with my new life choice and says we should keep bathing our kids.

So the torture continues.

But it got me really thinking of the peaks and valleys in autism treatment and IN LIFE.  Sometimes you are moving forward and sometimes you are being pushed backwards.  Sometimes you are swimming in blessing and other times you feel you must be cursed.  One moment you are on the top and then next minute you are down in the ditch.  This is life, and there are things to be learned from both parts of the journey.  We need the HIGHS and LOWS.

So when you see pictures from our family on social media that look like this:

There was probably just a moment that more looked like this:

That pillow is Keller’s BEST FRIEND.  It’s disgusting and sewn up so many times and full of holes and his WORLD.  Without it, and often times WITH it, Keller melts down.

This is life.  We learn and we grow.  We have highs and we have lows.

And sometimes life seems to give us HUGE mountains that we must climb, and so we climb and build our endurance along the way.  We are definitely building some endurance and can’t wait to see the view from the top of THIS mountain.